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Eva
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Hello!

Post by Eva » Tue Aug 25, 2015 2:33 pm

My name is Eva, and I am 57 and live in Sweden. My way on the Way feels like it goes a lot off-road, very bumpy and not so comfortable. I was burnt-out 10 years ago, and left my job-life with a sigh of relief. This was the starting point of trying to find out who I really am, and why I am not as happy as "I should be". I have had no relation to God at all from my part, only visiting a church now and then in my childhood when there was a baby being baptized. My parents are very embarrassed about religion and God, and taught me to be so too. This seems to be an emotion that is very difficult to feel all the way to the bottom of it. It is about being ridiculed for whom you are, and I feel that it touches on many, many ares of my life.
When I found Jesus' and Mary's teachings (almost 6 years ago) it all made sense to me. And I started to experiment with God as somebody who is really for real. My feelings about God have changed during these years. I used to say the Prayer every day, but a couple of days ago I suddenly felt that it was too holy and serious for me, and I remembered what Jesus said about having God as his best friend and play-mate when he was a little boy in the 1st century. So I am trying to talk to God and get closer by being friendlier and less formal - which is probably a good idea! For the time being I find it very hard to ask for God to love me, it is as if the concept of Love hits something very hard and resistive within me and makes me feel small, shy and worthless.
I was very touched by your presentation video, Nicky - and I felt that I would really, really want to have those kind of feelings towards God as you expressed. It was beautiful!
Thanks for creating this forum!
With love from
Eva

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Nicky
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Re: Hello!

Post by Nicky » Tue Aug 25, 2015 11:38 pm

Hi Eva

A warm welcome to Divine Truth Hub. I have found that some of the most important things to focus on have been with any God related injuries which may prevent our connection to our loving parent.

I've found the best way for me is to just be brutally honest and sincere with God about exactly how I feel at the time. I guess there's no point trying to hide how we really feel when God already knows what we feel anyway, right? It helps me start to feel the feelings I am praying to God about and also I know that I can ask God to help me remain in a state of humility during the process. Maybe give it a shot and see what happens? :)

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Eva
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Re: Hello!

Post by Eva » Fri Aug 28, 2015 10:52 am

Thanks Nicky,
Thanks for your feedback.
I can see from my introduction that I am actually "trying" something, which is equal to a facade - so I will try the more honest way you suggest.
With love
Eva

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Eva
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Re: Hello!

Post by Eva » Wed Sep 09, 2015 12:07 pm

Hi everybody! I felt I wanted to write some more about myself. My fear of "being a nuisance" or "taking up your time" very often prevents me from explaining in detail, so I make my posts as short as possible. So I thought I would challenge that now.
My name is Eva Lindberg, I live in Sweden, very far north in a village called Heligfjäll ( with 10 inhabitants) 40 kms from Vilhelmina.
Me and my soulmate man moved here 4 years ago, earlier we lived in bigger cities, primarily in Gothenburg on the Swedish westcoast.
I grew up in a "normal" family, with one sister and a brother, both younger than me. With the help from Divine Truth teachings I have slowly understood how supressed we were, or still are, emotionally in my family. My mom is totally supressed, there is hardly any emotions coming from here, some frustration and anger nowadays when she is getting older though. She has never looked me in the eyes, or sat down close just to talk about things. My dad was more loving and playful with us kids, but then something happened when I was around 8 or 9, when he decided to beat us for being naughty. This is how I remember it now, but I have not recovered my emotions and memories yet. The following years there was always anger, rage, outbursts, impatience and physical violence from him. My mom acted as if she didn't see it, maybe she even wished it to happen, maybe she ordered the violence, - "just wait until dad comes home". Her way to threaten us into order and obedience was to pretend she would go away and leave us. The way to get attention and approval was to be good at things, good and fast (not too good though..).
So I have been good and fast all my life, with schools and in my career as engineer, in construction business, automotive manufacturing and real estate business, - until I was burnt out in 2006. And now I have found the Way, the Divine Truth - and I don't feel neither good nor fast any more. But I do feel faith, a very solid inner knowing that this is the Truth and that God exists, that it will work and all my dreams will come true. My dreams for the future is to learn about love and to get closer to God. I feel I took a very small step closer to God this summer, and only this small step feels so good, so much better than before. There is a loveliness in it that is hard to describe.
We found this beautiful place Heligfjäll, a farm in the mountain area of northern Sweden, in summer 2011 - on the internet. Took a trip and fell in love with it. Our vision was to create a God's Way of Love learning centre, as you can see it presented on the Divine Truth website. Jesus and Mary visited us twice in 2012 and showered us with loving advice. Advice that we still digest, not having progressed as "good and fast" as I thought we would.
My man has a job in Vilhelmina, but I haven't - so I spend a lot of time on my own on the farm. Loneliness is the word! Being alone, alone and more alone - so much pain there is in me to feel about that.
A longing is growing within me, to be in big business again - this time in harmony with Love and Truth. It is a desire to create and to share, to be with lots of other people - work on peace, climate issues, environment, - everything within economics and political issues interest me more and more. We are feeling that the Learning Centre should be about Leadership God's Way.
And I have another dream, to have another child. So sometime in the future I would love to have a child to care for, a child (or children, smile!) who is kind of whole, healed - and we are the mom and dad who are loving in our caretaking!
This will be all for now - and thanks for listening!

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Re: Hello!

Post by Ivo » Wed Sep 09, 2015 1:39 pm

Hi Eva,
Somehow I felt a connection with your story. And I wanted to say thanks for sharing!
Your final words "thanks for listening" got me a bit emotional. I guess it's my pain that the parents (and noone really) have never been interested in you, how you feel, what you think.. noone wanting to truly listen to you.. feeling emotionally alone my whole life.
And now starting to feel that there are brothers and sisters (and God) around that do care...
Ivo

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Jenny
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Re: Hello!

Post by Jenny » Thu Sep 10, 2015 6:19 am

Hi Eva, I appreciate your posting a second time with more of your story. I was thinking of doing the same thing and seeing your post gives me the courage to share more about myself to challenge my fears of burdening other people with the sometimes pretty heavy details of my personal history.

I can relate to your feeling of a cold ad distant mother, my Grandmother raised me and never really cared about what was going on in my life. I can't imagine what it must have been like to have a mother that never looked you in the eyes and I feel for you. And I'm glad you have felt God's love. I feel the same way in that even the tiny bits of love that I have received has given my life so much more hope and inner peace.

So thank you, sister. I look forward to the possibility of interacting with you more on this site. I will be posting a more detailed description in my introduction if you are interested in reading it.

Much love,

Jenny

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Eva
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Re: Hello!

Post by Eva » Thu Sep 10, 2015 2:58 pm

Thanks Ivo and Jenny, - I'm looking forward to getting to know you!

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Re: Hello!

Post by Rita » Fri Sep 11, 2015 2:04 am

Hi dear Eva,
Thank you so much for your post.
Somehow it makes my heart sing to read it. It's so lovely to read and relate to something so truthful and openly sharing. Xx

weiwei
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Re: Hello!

Post by weiwei » Fri Sep 11, 2015 7:43 am

Hello, Eva:
It's interesting to see how you step back and decided to post a detailed one, well, it's not nuisance at all for me,instead, I 'm happy to know more about you.
I appreciate your desire to create the learning center, which is built in harmony with love, and wondering how you 're going to have child, because you're 57 years old already, do you mean adoption?

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Eva
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Having a child when you are 57?

Post by Eva » Mon Nov 16, 2015 9:34 am

Hi Wei-wei,
It is a long time since you asked your question about my wish to have a child at my age, 57. Thanks for asking so frankly, it made me start contemplating about my desire for children, about it being an addiction and not a pure desire.
And this is not at all what you asked about, as your question was:
... wondering how you 're going to have child, because you're 57 years old already, do you mean adoption?
So to begin with your question - I was so amazed and enthusiastic when some years ago I heard Jesus say for the first time that when we get at-one with God we will be like 25 years physically as the body will recover from all its illnesses and errors (now, this is how I remember it). And then I thought, - Wow, I will be at-one with God when I'm around 80, because it will take me approximately 30 years (which it did for Fred/Aphraar in Through the Mists). And I will have a baby at that time... and so on!

Which I still think is possible, - to have a child when you are at-one with God!

But my current desire for a child is not at all pure. When writing this I also feel that I want to be "world famous" having a child at the age of 80, that I want to be "special" looking like 25 when I am 80 and so on. When pondering about it I have found some deep fears about actually growing younger and more beautiful in this world where wars and rape are so common (and for me it is absolutely not yet a problem, since my "beauty" is diminishing day by day).

I also have emotions about wanting to do everything right, that all the mistakes and sins and pain I have given the boy (who is now a grown up man) I gave birth to in 1991 wouldn't be there in my next relationship with a child.

So for me there is much more to uncover in this area.

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