My name is Alex and I have been pretending to be on the Divine Love path for the past six years.
You may have seen me on many of the earlier discussion videos.
I am 44 years old and live in a little country town about an hour from Brisbane with my soulmate Monique who you may also have seen in DT videos.
We run a Vegan food van at a Brisbane market and do so by donation. It is a sizable process that challenges every injury and emotion especially as we also spend so much time together in cooking, preparation and everything else that goes with the venture. Having said that I am starting to feel some excitement at watching the business grow, not from a business perspective but as our creation, like a baby given lots of attention, care and love. It is also amazing watching laws of attraction change as we feel a slither of an emotion.
Just to give you a brief history of me, I was born in Hungary, as the only child of...lets just say, very "bohemian" parents to whom everything and anything was ok and acceptable, and where partying and pleasure seeking came as a priority. I spent a lot of my childhood alone watching adults get drunk and abusive. I had a very incestuous relationship with my mother and a very harsh, often violent father who i felt never accepted me. I often felt unwanted, neglected and unsafe. No one ever bothered to teach me right from wrong or ever correct my behaviour and i was getting into trouble very early on.
At the age of 8 we escaped Hungary to avoid the oppressive communist regime which constantly harassed my father for speaking out against it, and moved to Australia. I felt even more alone, often moving schools and places, having no friends, and often getting bullied. Somewhere along the line i decided that i had to become hard in order to survive and became a very angry young man who was a "law unto himself" as Jesus put it.
In the following 15 years i left a large trail of destruction and damage. I hurt a lot of innocent people, especially women. I became the hard living, hard drinking, womaniser that i saw so often in my childhood.
Upon turning 30 i became depressed and began a search for truth. I knew i had to change. I became a Buddhist, then a Hindu, a Yoga teacher, Reiki practitioner, I had Gurus and "spiritual teachers" of all paths.....i did the lot. Catholic schools taught me corporal punishment and many untruths about God that i am still working through, but in the end i had just one desire.....to know what Jesus taught in the first century. 2 days later someone handed me a "secrets of the universe" DVD and i was hooked. The truths presented touched me deeply.
About the same time i began having very deep longings for my soulmate after never really having connected to a series of women. It was very obvious when i met her and she knew it too. We were not physically attracted at all, yet there was an intense attraction. Our conversations were about truth and a curiosity about God. After that we moved to Queensland together to be near Jesus and to attend his talks.
To answer your question Nicky about why many people had been on the path for so long without progression ?
Initially many people moved to be closer to Jesus for a variety of reasons. For a long time many of us lived in a "fairyland" that we found Jesus and "isn't it just so lovely". Many of us had the Christian beliefs that Jesus was going to save us and we don't need to do anything but sit around a campfire singing Kumbaya. We were also wanting to create a hippy style community where none of us had to do it for ourselves or take any responsibility. Certainly, the majority of us didn't want to really begin to look at ourselves and our lives in a humble and truthful manner. Jesus was different back then too. He would spend two hours patiently talking to us about our emotions when we weren't even connected or didn't really want to know. The best thing he did was to stop giving the public talks. This meant people didn't have their addictions met any more and either had to get real or move away. In our case it was both.
For me it has taken 6 years to begin connecting to myself, to see the truth of my soul condition and to start my relationship with God who i felt would punish me for the damage i have caused to others. I have had to go through a lot of fear just to begin this process and to be told by God that he loves the worst sinner as much the highest celestial. I have a lot of darkness in my soul, i battle addiction often, i am arrogant. But every experience i have with God constantly demonstrates to me that he loves me, cares for me, desires to lovingly and patiently correct me,( thank God someone finally does), bring me closer to him and make me a more loving being. Recently i have been having experiences of God giving me truth emotionally and they are accompanied with the most beautiful and gentle love. I am beginning to accept the truth of who i am as God created me, a beautiful gentle soul......and i love it ! I feel myself softening quite markedly and having more love for people and seeing the beauty in them, rather than the angry, demanding, judgemental stuff i used to project.....but it's only the beginning.
Thank you for the work you are doing Nicky, no doubt it is an awesome and overwhelming process !
love,
Alex. (the AJM71 is my initials. Im not pretending to be Allan John Miller)
