Introducing me

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Teresa French
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Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2015 5:52 am
Location: Uralla, New South Wales, Australia

Introducing me

Post by Teresa French » Wed Aug 26, 2015 4:25 am

Hi all

My name is Teresa French, I have just turned 50, I'm married to a man for the past 14 years, who doesn't share my beliefs but is accepting of them, we have an 11yo daughter and I have a 21yo son from a previous marriage.

I live in Uralla, which is in the highlands on a plateau in northern New South Wales, Australia and have been for the past three years - before that I lived in another little country town for six years, before that in Sydney for about 15 years and before that I came from New Zealand, where I was born to migrant Dutch parents, and have two elder sisters, three elder and one younger brother, plus a sister who was stillborn, whom I occasionally feel when I think of her (like now) :)

One of my elder sisters, Karen, introduced me to Jesus, literally and via his videos, in 2009 and I have devoured every single video since then - sometime last year I realised that I had an addiction/injury about having to know everything about a subject in order to make sure I "did it right and didn't get into trouble" - I have eased up on that somewhat now.

I went to the first assistance group in Australia last year which I found confronting and enlightening, and have ruminated over a lot of what I have learnt since then.

After receiving feedback, not for the first time, from Jesus and Mary that I have a lot of rage, I reflected on this and in November starting seeing a trauma counselor/psychologist - my question to her was that I didn't want everyone to be afraid of me (because of my anger) anymore. This finally helped me make some emotional progress after years of being stuck, in that I was diagnosed with an attachment disorder, which, while I didn't want to use as an excuse, explained to me my difficulty in connecting with my emotions and feeling, well, anything really. It was actually quite challenging as well as liberating, to find out that no, I wasn't being stubborn or bad, but there actually was something "wrong" with me.

So, I have spent the past nine months working on that (I believe it is the hardest thing I have done in my life!), and am seeing real changes that give me hope that I can change and progress in love. In the past three or so months I have been putting more focus into developing my long-abandoned connection with God that I had when I was younger, in my teens really, and things are starting to change for me. Hugely and wonderfully. Long, long way to go but! But I am happy that I have started seeing changes in my life and in my relationships.

I was really excited and a bit (not sure of the adjective, but) in trepidation, to learn of and about this forum. But, reflecting overnight, I am feeling that I want to step in here and participate, rather than hide. (And work out if this is just an addiction, or how much of it is addictive and how much is pure desire to grow - I feel that I have shifted around my desire for growth in the past year.)

I am looking forward to interactions and meeting new people with a similar (and higher, to inspire me!) level of desire and catching up with others who I have already met either in the flesh or in the virtual world in other forums - I am hoping this forum will set the bar for loving forums, and am encouraged by what I have read so far. :)

Thank you Nicky for the opportunity, and the gift of this forum. I am happy to be here.

love,
Teresa

Rita
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Re: Introducing me

Post by Rita » Wed Aug 26, 2015 1:29 pm

Thank you Teresa!!!

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Nicky
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Re: Introducing me

Post by Nicky » Wed Aug 26, 2015 5:16 pm

Hi Teresa

A warm welcome to the forums here.

It seems as though you have taken some positive and sincere steps in harmony with Truth & Love following the feedback you received from Jesus at the assistance group last year. Nice to see you opening yourself up to what the law of attraction may start to bring you via the forum here. Challenge is GOOD!

Lovely to meet you.

Nicky

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Teresa French
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Location: Uralla, New South Wales, Australia

Re: Introducing me

Post by Teresa French » Wed Aug 26, 2015 9:51 pm

thank you Nicky.

To be honest, I was a little frightened of your response/feedback as I was worried you would say I was in addiction ... and I wanted praise from the teacher/boss! Already, I am learning :D this morning's lesson that I am not very humble (yeah, I knew that), but today I have the willingness to look at and reflect on that... feeling it already - grateful for the shift that happened (crept up on me actually) this past week, feeling like I have finally opened up my soul a little bit.

Yay, go me - all this by just focusing on spending a little bit of time with God on an almost daily basis.

Thank you again Nicky and I hope you are enjoying seeing your work come to fruition here.

cheers
Teresa

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Jennifer Brownson
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Re: Introducing me

Post by Jennifer Brownson » Sun Aug 30, 2015 5:08 pm

Hi Teresa, It is nice to hear what you have been up to. Good on you for going into the difficult stuff. God is helping me too to work through anger issues (as well as the myriad of other things!). If we only knew how much God loves us and is working with us! Hugs, dear one.

Houston
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Location: Abbeville, Louisiana

Re: Introducing me

Post by Houston » Mon Aug 31, 2015 2:02 am

[quote="Teresa"]Hi all

After receiving feedback, not for the first time, from Jesus and Mary that I have a lot of rage, I reflected on this and in November starting seeing a trauma counselor/psychologist - my question to her was that I didn't want everyone to be afraid of me (because of my anger) anymore. This finally helped me make some emotional progress after years of being stuck, in that I was diagnosed with an attachment disorder, which, while I didn't want to use as an excuse, explained to me my difficulty in connecting with my emotions and feeling, well, anything really. It was actually quite challenging as well as liberating, to find out that no, I wasn't being stubborn or bad, but there actually was something "wrong" with me.quote]

Hi Teresa -

How was this diagnosed? With the Adult Attachment Interview? Or some other instrument? Attachment theory and trauma resolution are interests. What was your insecure attachment style, e.g., avoidant, ambivalent/anxious, if you don't mind sharing. What type of things does your therapist have you doing to presumably gain an "earned secure" attachment? An excellent book is Parenting from the Inside Out by Daniel Seigel. Good if you are a parent and to also gain insight into your own childhood experiences.

- H

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Teresa French
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Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2015 5:52 am
Location: Uralla, New South Wales, Australia

Re: Introducing me

Post by Teresa French » Thu Sep 03, 2015 4:31 am

Hi Lance,

Sorry I haven't responded earlier - I have had a number of days away with my immediate family and haven't really had a good opportunity to get too deep into this forum as yet.

I had a bit of resistance to your questions actually (hence the delay in response). I felt a bit interrogated and challenged. This comes from, I believe, my injuries around believing that others don't take me seriously (exploring a bit here) or that I don't have anything worthwhile to share. I believe I and my opinions/insights etc were not valued when I was little... this is tapping into that.

The therapist I am seeing is a psychologist and she called my condition "Developmental traumatic attachment anxiety" and at another session Child Onset ... (something, attachment disorder I think). She did give it a name for a letter for the subsidised medical allowance but I didn't take any notice of that.

Simply put, traumatised from day dot (actually before, I feel) by not having an attachment with my parents, mum in particular. I have found it quite fascinating, devastating, enraging, grievous and enlightening (all at different times or sometimes at the same time!) through the counselling I have done with her (the therapist) to see the huge scale of impact this has had on my life. (Ref viewtopic.php?f=27&t=118 for more info as you are interested)

There may have been some set questions that my therapist asked (I know my doctor did in order for me to get a referral to see the therapist) but I wouldn't know if it was the Adult Attachment Interview or other formal questions.

I don't quite understand what you mean by my insecure attachment style, would you elaborate on that please?

The link to the other post answers your question about what she is having me do about resolve this. And I will investigate that book your mentioned. I have recently bought a book called Bully Blocking by Evelyn Field which my therapist recommended for me (and my husband if he so wishes and he has indicated his willingness to do so) to work through with the little one in our care. I just read the introduction and I realised that this is going to be a huge book for me in that it is (gee, even thinking about it now brings tears and emotions welling) highly triggering and if I can bring myself to go through it properly it will have a great affect on myself as well as her.

Thank you for your questions - do you prefer being addressed as Lance or Houston?
cheers
Teresa

Houston
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Re: Introducing me

Post by Houston » Thu Sep 03, 2015 2:47 pm

Hi Teresa -

Thank you for sharing. I am glad that is working for you and want to investigate more for myself.

- H

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Teresa French
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Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2015 5:52 am
Location: Uralla, New South Wales, Australia

Re: Introducing me

Post by Teresa French » Sat Sep 05, 2015 5:47 am

Hi Nicky,

With regards to this:
Nicky wrote: Hi Everyone.

I have banned Stephen from the forums for severely unloving behaviour aimed at Teresa. Please see below:
Stephen wrote:Hard to imagine what is possible in the Soul Union state!
Now they are on Earth and seperate again I guess that isn't possible.
Couldn't be able to create physical bodies on Earth otherwise they never would have needed to reincarnate!

These are important Truths if we want to improve our understanding of reality, please try not to be wishy washy with your answers.

From Stephen

Further to the above quote, I felt he was being arrogant in a number of his other posts across the forums. It is clear that Stephen has either not taken the time to read the terms of use OR he has read them and decided to disregard them. Further to this, I felt he has been motivated to come here by a group of unloving spirits with the aim of degrading the site. If you would like to know why I have taken this action, you can refer to the topic I have created in the Strikes forum category regarding this thread.

Teresa, I feel this is a great opportunity for you to feel about what has happened here, if you'd like to of course.

To everybody else, I have now locked this post. If you would like to continue the discussion on this topic, feel free to start up another thread.

Thanks

Nicky
From this thread viewtopic.php?f=21&t=74

I have been reflecting on your suggestion to feel about what happened between me and Stephen and then also with attracting Lance who also was red striked. I asked myself why am I attracting this unloving behaviour from men?

What I felt, what came to me in response to this question, was "Bullying" - this is something I am focussing on recently as it is an issue for the young soul in my care recently (her name is Melanie - faster to write! aside - I haven't found a more elegant way of putting that, does anyone have any suggestions?).

Our counselor has suggested that Melanie's over-sensitivity and over-reactiveness makes her a target for bullies, and I know that I have passed this down to her. The counselor has outlined some things for her to try (there's a book called Bully Blocking which we still haven't started going through - my resistance there as I know there is much in there for me too).

But that doesn't feel like it directly relates to why Stephen and Lance both treated me in that manner. ... More for me to explore here, and I know I am not guiltfree in this too. perhaps I trigger their fear with my covert anger, which I still haven't emotionally come to terms with fully - I have moments of feeling it, but I wouldn't say it is something I have really got my teeth into yet.

More reflection, and more praying, required here, thank you for the opportunity to focus on it.

I will get back to you, thank you.

thanks
Teresa

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Teresa French
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Posts: 64
Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2015 5:52 am
Location: Uralla, New South Wales, Australia

Re: Introducing me

Post by Teresa French » Sat Sep 05, 2015 5:50 am

ahh - ps I didn't know where to post my last post so I tagged it onto my intro post.

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