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Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2016 9:17 pm
I am new to the forum. It's really nice to meet everyone. I came upon the divine truth site a little over a year ago. I must thank Jesus and Mary for truth that has given my life new meaning. Also, Nicki, thanks for helping set me straight about using this forum. Ususally, computers don't work well for me. My son just now had to help me too. Hopefully, I've got it now. Linda
Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2016 3:33 am
This may be my 3rd try. Today I was reading through some of the introductions by others, until I began to feel that I had not given an explanation to everyone about myself. So, I want to be as real as I can be. I'm 64 years old and have lived in North Carolina, USA, most of my life. My first life- changing spiritual experience happened when I was 12. I lived in a very dysfunctional family (as do most of us.) My dad was crazy, and my mother was trying to get by with the least difficulty. My brother was 4 years older than I, and I watched my brother being abused, while I was my dad's "pet". I tried to help my brother as much as I could. When I was 12, I suffered my first experience of sexual abuse by my dad. (as do so many children.) There was no one to help me, so I desperately, and with all of my heart, cried out: "JESUS! HELP ME1" Immediately, I was blanketed in love, which immersed inside of me and transformed me. I often went into my closet, weeping and talking to God. I knew that Jesus was my big brother, and that God was my father. I did not know her as mother.
I read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John and sobbed: "Why did you have to die?" because I needed Jesus so much. I didn't even know what sin was, so the idea of dying for sin made no sense, nor did it ever, because I KNEW God was Love. The first instance of molestation was the worst. I remember dissociating. ( Studied psychology.) Afterwards, I stood up to him, and yelled at him: "Mama, get him out of my bedroom!" When I was 16, and in bed asleep, I awoke to my dad pounding my head with his fist. Next morning I yelled at my mom: "If you don't get him out of here, I'm leaving!" So she put him in a mental hospital for awhile. I was sick, very sick, but received a full scholarship to the university because my dad had been a WWII vet. At the university, I began to unwind. I wanted to experience physical love, so I had sex. I didn't care for marriage, but it was the easiest way to live together. Our first child was conceived 2 weeks after marriage. My husband went to NYC to get into theater, and I went to school, sewed to make money, and took care of my baby. Jamie spilled hot soup over his face by pulling a bowl on a table onto himself. My back had been turned away from him when it happened. In 1975 I became preganant again, and my husband insisted I get an abortion. After much haranguing, I did it. I murdered my 10 week old daughter. I was put to sleep during the abortion. Upon awakening, I felt a change inside of me. I blamed God. I hated God and remained rebellious until 1980. By that time I had divorced and had sex with 4 other men, as well as another abortion. I dragged my son through relationships with me. At 6, my son almost died of a burst intestine. I stopped openly rebelling against God because I missed his voice. I used to talk to God. By 2001 I had had sex with 10 men and had married 5 of them. In 1983 my 10 week old daughter, died of SIDS. There was such a hole in my heart, I just walked over the edge, was handcuffed and institutionalized 10 days. Upon release, a volcanic eruption of rage came out of me. My husband died suddenly in 1985. In 1998 I left my husband who was a good dad and good husband, who only wanted sex in exchange for security. I had thrown out all my New Age junk, and had asked God: "What's next?" I had been homeschooling my best friend's children. She had died from breast cancer. When her husband came to get his children, I prayed for him because I could feel his pain. When my head touched the floor in prayer, I was told that he was my soulmate. I didn't know him at all, but we wound up marrying. In 2001 God showed me my sins. I also had a major breakdown while with Paul, but he kept me from hospitalization. I told Paul he should repent too. He tried, but said it was too painful. Today his son is very mentally sick, and remains with his dad, as well as 3 others. I left Paul in 2005 because of his lack of sensitivity sexually and divorced him in 2009, primarily because we had come together in adultery. Since 2005 there's been no more sex. Paul and I are friends. I tell him about Divine Truth, and that I am in pain because of the laws of compensation and repentance. I tell him: "Pain is better now than later." My mom, dad and brother are dead now. My older son has 3 children, is on his 3rd marriage and is a good dad. I'm scraping by on social security. Linda
Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2016 7:00 am
Incredible story! I admire your courage and bravery to be so open! You inspire me to rewrite or add to my introduction as I feel I have not been as transparent.
Thank you greatly for sharing! <3
Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2016 7:55 pm
Thank you Allegedly Dam. I appreciate your encouragement for me. Linda