I have felt it appropriate to change the RED STRIKE I originally issued to Rita R to 3 AMBER STRIKES due to a number of recent considerations following feedback that was received by myself, Lena & Eloisa from Jesus & Mary. I will share the reasons why I have made this amendment in my following post on this strike thread.
The interaction resulting in these strikes occurred between Rita R and Maureen in the below thread:
viewtopic.php?f=37&t=749
I felt that Rita R was in breach of the below sections of the terms of use:
1)Personal attack of another forum member (Maureen) in terms of character and nature
2)Condescension, arrogance, belittlement and/or humiliation towards another participant
3)Projection of anger and/or rage towards another participant
Rita initially created a thread on desire and how addictions may affect them. I feel that part of the reason she shared some of her stories was in an addictive way to "show off" to others.
I feel there was arrogance in her desire to share things such as:
In my young adult years that addiction was easily fulfilled because I was quite pretty so I rarely went unnoticed even though most of the time I dressed in a way that didn’t accentuate my sexuality.
I’ve been working on the children’s book since 2010. Everyone who sees the drawings or hears a synopsis of the story loves it, wants to get a copy when it’s published
I’ve spent my life building my skills in painting, illustration and recently I’ve been learning the craft of writing screenplays and children’s books. I’ve had some success and become known as a realist landscape painter over the course of my career (“work” and “career” always feel like strange words to describe what I do).
In addition to the above, I feel there is a lot of facade present in many of her statements such as:Oddly enough, I’ve had more fine art sales this year than in the last 10 combined even though I’ve spent very little time painting or connecting with the public
Here Rita says "I Don't want to to be loud, demanding or overtly show off" but in writing this post out, and sharing the details that I mentioned above, she has done that.Once I faced up to that fear and practiced talking with strangers, making friends in unfamiliar settings, that desire to wow people took on different, less recognizable manifestations but it still lingers — more like just wanting to be noticed, stand out. (I was overlooked a lot as a child as the youngest of 4 kids and completely unplanned/unwanted.) However, I don’t want to be loud, demanding, or overtly show off but the desire to be noticed is still there.
AND
The bolded section in this quote above is made in facade. This is not a true statement. I do not feel as though Rita underplays herself.I notice the feeling even in small things like meeting a new group of people online. I don’t want to “burst into the room” and say, “Look at me!” so I underplay myself. I notice that I didn’t reveal much about myself in my introduction to this forum. I feel that had to do with this addiction and I suppose it’s actually false humility. I didn’t get that until now.
Other quotes taken from Rita's post:
So, my art became part of a fight, something to prove I was worthy of… and that’s when the desire started to wane. Then the lack of sales created a sense of worthlessness, making it impossible to prove much of anything.
So, since then, I’ve been trying to reconnect with why I love to create, why it does make sense, why it does have purpose after that feeling of intense hopelessness and uselessness.
There is a common theme in the majority of Rita's post in that she feels as though she is worthless however I do not feel as though Rita truly feels a sense of worthlessness. I feel as though Rita currently sees herself more superior to others and projects a strong expectation in wanting to be treated as "special" by them. When the addictions did not get met in this interaction with Maureen, Rita become abusive/attacking, angry, condescending and dismissive.The injury which has come to light this morning is a deep sense of unworthiness.
I feel that when Rita says she is "worthless", it is her facade's way of remaining in control/denial of the real issues and a way to reinforce the unloving behaviour towards others. I feel Rita mistakes an actual feeling of worthlessness with the tantrum when her addictions do not get met.
At the end of her initial post, Rita wrote:
I cannot agree with this statement for a number of reasons. There is a feeling here of wanting others to agree with her current feelings rather than being sincere in wanting to seek the truth.I would appreciate any feedback or insights you kind souls can provide.
To me, all of the above is pretty clear when Maureen responded. I feel she somewhat accurately shares some of the things I have highlighted in this strike thread, and due to remaining in facade, Rita dismissed a lot of what Maureen shared with her initially.
Rita later said:
Here Rita was being pretty manipulative towards Maureen (whom I feel was providing a great gift in helping uncover some addictions) and in response, Rita shut her down.I’m confronting a fear right now in posting this response because I tend to believe other people’s assessments and discount my own. This is due to experiencing a lot of attack for contradicting other peoples’ opinions with my own interpretations, feelings and opinions. In other words, I’ve been told often and angrily how wrong I am, so I’m risking that outcome here. Also, I see people deflecting feedback all the time, so I am always trying to absorb what I hear… but sometimes it just doesn’t apply no matter how hard I try to integrate it.
Later on Rita said:
This is a very condescending and attacking comment made towards Maureen. I feel this displays some of Rita's own current injuries of arrogance and superiority quite clearly by putting herself higher than Maureen.That’s a big lesson for me, to be discerning about the feedback I receive and the condition of the person giving it.
In your response to Maureen, you spoke a lot about the dynamics in your relationship with your ex-husband. I feel there is a lot of denied anger here for you Rita. You are placing all of the blame on your husband in a way in which abdicates your own responsibility for things - again Maureen pointed this out to you but you responded to that in a manipulative, attacking and dismissive manner by turning it back against her as seen below:
I wish you all the best Rita in deconstructing your facade, there is quite an amount of work for you to do here but I feel you have a great platform to do this. Hopefully at some point in the future, you will want to re-engage with the rest of the forum from a more loving space. I feel muting you at this time is the most loving decision for yourself and to all the other participants on the forum.but my main point is to suggest you look a little further at what might be yours to take full responsibility of.
Thanks
Nicky