A Christmas Carol

[LauraR]

A Christmas Carol has always been my favorite holiday movie. I would feel such pain when Mr. Scrooge would treat people with such disgust and anger. And I love it when Jacob Marley shows up rattling his chains scaring the life out of Ebenezer. But my hearts sings when the ghosts visit and Ebenezer slowly opens his heart and in the period of a single night he is able to see his errors and he begs for the opportunity to change.
It is Christmas Eve morning here in the United States and I feel a bit like Ebenezer (the Ebenezer in the middle of the night).

I have always had good dream recall - much better than most anyone I have ever spoken to. I can even remember dreams from my childhood (I am now 57). In years past, not understanding the sleep state, I purposefully "turned off" the dream recall. In fact, I was spending so much time writing about my dreams and not understanding their value, I thought they had become a distraction and that they were not bringing me closer to God. Also, I would remember so many dreams that in the morning I felt like I hadn't rested at all.
However and although I stopped the recall, I haven't been sleeping well at all. Sometimes sleeping only an hour at a time - wake up - go back to sleep for an hour - wake up - continuous through the night. It has been very frustrating and I did not understand why my sleep was so restless. But I do now. After learning about what our sleep state really is, I began my purposeful recall once more. I have set my intention to know what I am doing in my sleep state with the desire for clarity about my soul condition and to hopefully help me process/trigger emotions and it has worked.
But not quite in the way I expected. I did not expect to experience the damage I was doing to another. And although I have helped other spirits in my sleep state, I am most the time in a pretty dark condition. It has become very clear to me that although I thought I had worked through family hurts - I have not. In the last few nights I have been defending myself with physical violence against my family members, who also have other dark spirits helping them to contain me.
But what hurts even more is that a couple of nights ago I was in a very dark place with my daughter (she is 30) and I was screaming at her like a lunatic because I didn't feel she was doing enough to help me.
Since learning about Divine Truth I have been doing my best to understand what Love really is and am working to repair my relationship with my daughter. Although we have what most would call a good relationship. We see each other often and enjoy our time together - much more so since I have been putting the principles of Divine Love into action (or so I thought). My daughter isn't even aware of the level of the damage done (neither am I). She tells me she loves me often and says what a good mother she thinks I am.
I'm not sure how clear I am being in this post. I just want to say, that although I am "behaving better" in the physical - the spiritual me is not. The sleep state has brought me truth that I was not able to obtain in my waking state. I can feel the level of self blame and anger towards myself and I am disappointed. But I am also very glad - in a very odd way at present - that I am now aware of what is happening. My desire now is to feel through this with God's help.

So at the end of the Christmas Carol, Ebenezer is a changed man! The spirits have done there job well. Ebenezer becomes a blessing to everyone he knows. I hope to be like Ebenezer one day soon. Who knows tomorrow is Christmas morning?

Laura Rule