Is it unloving to date if it's not your soulmate?

[Cheryl]

I haven't dated since I discovered Divine Truth over 2 years ago. Before that I seemed to only attract guys who wanted "open relationships" or, if not, guys who were crazy for me but for whom I didn't have strong feelings. For many years I had resigned to the belief that I was a "damaged" person, and I decided that the best I could hope for was to make the most of these fleeting periods of "love" - that I couldn't really ask or expect more. After at least 5 years of alternating between being single and jumping into these strange, short, uncommitted relationships, I was sick of it. I discovered Divine Truth exactly at that time (Sept 2013) and have since been working on uncovering my emotions and getting to know myself better.

Suddenly, for about 2 months now, men who seem interesting and attractive have begun to approach me in lovely ways. For a variety of reasons there's been no follow-up with any, but I realize now that I feel quite ready to try and enter into the type of relationship I would really want. I don't want to grasp at straws. I want to try my hand at a truly loving relationship with good communication and honesty. I feel frightened to be myself and be truly intimate with someone, but I've also been starting to feel like there's only so much growth I can do from my guarded ivory tower. I have a lot of fear about being abandoned, seen as unworthy or undesirable, but this desire to "get out there" has begun to boil over.

So, here is my question: Would it be unloving to enter into a relationship if I have a strong feeling that the other is not my soulmate? I was recently asked out by a man who I find smart, kind, interesting, attractive, sensitive and engaging, but he is much younger than me. (I am often approached by men 10 or 15 years younger - they are often surprised to learn my age - 48). I love the idea that he COULD be my soulmate, but I have the feeling he's not. I feel this way in part because I've always suspected my soulmate is a former boyfriend who I dated in my 20s. The problem there is that I no longer have any romantic feelings for that former boyfriend. We have remained friends all these years, but I can only see him as a brother now, not a romantic interest, and I don't feel inspired to seek his company. I'm also open to the idea that he may not be my soulmate, but it is just a feeling I have that he is.

I want to say "yes" to this new love prospect. I have been telling myself that if we are attracted to each other, and we are not soulmates, the relationship could have the potential of exposing the emotions/addictions/injuries that cause us to be attracted - and that this might be the best way to get at the truth that will lead us closer to our respective soulmates. And of course I would never rule out that he might even be my soul mate - who knows! At the moment, I love that idea. Romantic me says, "why not?" Rational me says, "not likely".

Any thoughts?

[Anita]

Hi Cheryl,

I'm in no state to give soul mate or relationship advice, but anyway
I feel you have already answered your own question

You say:

I want to say "yes" to this new love prospect. I have been telling myself that if we are attracted to each other, and we are not soulmates, the relationship could have the potential of exposing the emotions/addictions/injuries that cause us to be attracted - and that this might be the best way to get at the truth that will lead us closer to our respective soulmates. And of course I would never rule out that he might even be my soul mate - who knows! At the moment, I love that idea. Romantic me says, "why not?" Rational me says, "not likely".

Cheers
Anita

[Anita]

Hi again,
You were asking about being unloving dating a man that is not your soul mate. But you are not sure that he is not so to engage in the relationship with this man that you are feeling attracted to with honesty and openness to discover if you are soul mates would be loving I feel.

Anita

[Cheryl]

Hi Anita,

I really appreciate your response. After writing out my thoughts, I also felt a bit clearer on the issue. I think what you wrote about engaging "with honesty and openness" is the key - these are great guiding principles. Thank you.

Cheryl