Feeling the pain of Soulmate's Rejection

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Marina Smargiannakis
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Re: Feeling the pain of Soulmate's Rejection

Post by Marina Smargiannakis » Sun Oct 04, 2015 5:24 pm

Hi Tara,

Thank you for your post. It serves as a great reminder and it helps a lot.

Since I was given Mary's feedback, I have decided to focus on some big issues surrounding my own demands and entitlement. I have to constantly remind myself (which is hard) that almost all my soulmate pain, or these specific ones in terms of rejection, usually has to do with my dad (since I am a heterosexual half soul). Just yesterday, I had a LoA with my biological father, which served as an opportunity for me to deal with. I understand it is not always easy for those whose parents have passed, so they do not have the direct trigger. I noticed, for me, the moment I connect with something related to a cause with my dad, or I confront him immediately about something really 'big', that's when my soulmate, or the man who I feel is my soulmate, will contact me. I had this the exact moment that I was connecting to this terrible, awful, childhood feeling. For example, when I choose to step back from my parents, or not contact them, it triggers their addiction and before I know it, I'm a little girl again. When this happens, it opens the door for my other half, where normally my parents would be in that place.

Unfortunately, what I do though, is end up latching on to my soulmate instead of just sort of sitting back, and feeling whatever is coming at me. Very often I miss that opportunity to sit with myself and just feel it, and keep the reminder of this hurt child feeling. I tend to always have to 'chase', make moves, be 'forward', etc. My father also is verbally violent to me, depending on the topic, so mixed in with the me wanting attention feelings, it's pretty convoluted. When my soulmate feels triggered with something I say, he has a tendency to also verbally lash out in a violent manner. If I don't process the anger it rises in me, I end up feeling suicidally depressed, which I let my other half know, which is manipulative (i'm like 'notice me, love me, notice me, please'), and it causes automatic repulsion. It appears that my happiness is completely dependent on whether I have a partner, and then extra points if I am loved an accepted by them fully.

As long as I am unwilling to take 100% responsibility for my own pain, I will always want someone else to take care of me, emotionally. To try and soothe the hurt my dad has always caused me by finding a man who can do this, since 'dad can't', or alternatively, trying to chase a unicorn, which is a huge projection that I'm emitting all the time. I am understanding more the anger that comes with/from this, but right now, I'm still in the 'tantrum' place, a really rageful place.

In these moments, I am trying to turn to God, since He is the only one that really loves me in an unconditional way, even in an intellectual manner, that I'm being looked out for, and have to trust that.

There is a lot of good 'soul' food here, and I appreciate the posts.

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Re: Feeling the pain of Soulmate's Rejection

Post by LisaQ » Tue Oct 06, 2015 3:36 pm

Hi all,

Thank you for this great discussion. I'm learning a lot through the process! :)

I'm realizing that, when I sit and pray/feel about my (perceived) soul-mate, there are two different things going on:

1. I have an addictive demand energy towards him, which is covering my injuries around my dad's suicide from when I was 5. This was preventing me from feeling any 'deep pain' about this man's rejection of me, since (as David, Nicky, & Amanda pointed out) I was actually in a tantrum towards him. I've begun to feel this anger, and the yuckiness of this unloving demand.

2. The 'easier emotions to feel' that I was referring to in my original post were usually grieving emotions about my dad. It just didn't connect (in my understanding) why I'd be praying about my soul-mate, then I felt like I kept getting distracted into grief emotions about my dad. I couldn't see the connection, because I had an expectation that I should feel 'deep grief' of my soul-mate's rejection, not grief about my dad.

Also, I had heard AJ mention in one of his talks that feeling the pain of your soul-mate's rejection is probably one of the hardest emotions to feel, so I had this expectation that I needed to feel this rejection, and that it should relate directly to my soul-mate (rather than bring up grief about my dad!)

Tara, thank you for your comments about feeling how my mom felt towards my dad, and dad towards my mom, and grandparents' feelings too. This has begun to reveal more layers to feel.

Nicky, I've been referring back (in my mind) to your list of 3 things to focus on to attract our soul-mate, and am finding this list to be a very helpful reminder. Thank you!

Lisa

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Re: Feeling the pain of Soulmate's Rejection

Post by Anita » Wed Oct 07, 2015 8:40 am

Hi Lisa,
Also, I had heard AJ mention in one of his talks that feeling the pain of your soul-mate's rejection is probably one of the hardest emotions to feel, so I had this expectation that I needed to feel this rejection, and that it should relate directly to my soul-mate (rather than bring up grief about my dad!)
I feel this relates to Jesus, since he actually has memories from being together with Mary for 2000 years. We on our first incarnation don't have a conscious memory of our other half. And the grief we have to feel about rejection relates, like in your case to your father. To the one or ones that rejected us first. I have not done much of this myself so correct me if I'm wrong.

:)
Anita
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Re: Feeling the pain of Soulmate's Rejection

Post by Tara » Wed Oct 07, 2015 11:20 pm

Thank you Lisa for starting this thread I am learning so much from all the comments.

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Re: Feeling the pain of Soulmate's Rejection

Post by LisaQ » Thu Oct 08, 2015 4:41 am

Hi Anita,

Yes, that makes a lot of sense; Jesus was grieving the loss of Mary, after many, many years of being with her, and in the soul-mate union state at that. That must be incredibly difficult pain to feel. Yipes! I can't even imagine.

Also, I do recall him saying that if we allow ourselves to long for our other half, it will trigger up painful emotions in us, because of some of our parent's experiences of loss, and other past painful events. Here's the talk where he mentions longing for our soul-mate and how most of us won't stay with allowing this longing to grow and grow, because of how much pain will be triggered up in us. This part begins around 49 minutes in: https://youtu.be/hDmj5ofhrS4

The man who I feel is quite possibly my soul-mate, was my high school sweetheart at age 15. We broke up after high school, then back together again at 21. Then we broke up two years later, and he jumped into marriage, kids, divorce etc. We just reconnected again about two years ago, after 18 years of almost no communication. Like Tara mentioned in her post regarding her situation, it does appear that we keep coming back together over and over again. But time will tell whether he actually is my other half, once I receive God's Truth on the matter.

Which brings me to the question: what state do we have to be in to receive God's Truth on the identity of our soul-mate? I know Jesus mentioned the 3rd or 5th sphere (which I don't know much about!), but I wonder what specific soul qualities we need to have? What does it look like inside ourselves when we know for sure? Is it a matter of having no more error around both genders? Or being at-one with God's Truth about soul-mates? Does anyone know the answer to this?

Thank you,
Lisa

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Re: Feeling the pain of Soulmate's Rejection

Post by Marina Smargiannakis » Thu Oct 08, 2015 1:21 pm

Hi Lisa,

From what I heard over the talks, we will not really know 100% who our soulmate is until we are at one-with God, although, we would know the identity by the 5th sphere.

I do feel, though, that as we work through our personal issues and injuries, we'll also naturally increase our sensitivity to our other half. This aspect has actually helped me feel more love for my brothers and sisters, weirdly enough, that we can have that understanding in terms of recognizing the other half of the soul. I've also heard in talks (from the 'Mary 20110928 Racheal (Mary's Spirit Guide) Q&A Soul Mates'), some parts that helped me in starting to work through some of the recognition aspects. As I start to understand parts of my real self, and heal some others, we gain a personal understanding on our true personal relationship with the other half of ourselves.

I also have a big injury when it comes to people 'believing me', when it comes to certain deep, emotional concepts. My parents almost always denoted any 'truth' when it came to God's emotions, or mine, as a young child, so, very often when I speak the truth on how I feel, unfortunately, a lot of it is smeared with anger because I taught myself that I always had to defend my beliefs, not speak out, and when I did, I also started doubting myself. This resistance also caused me to not be open to hearing truths because I was/still am so demanding that my point be heard, listened to; when I get called out, my facade gets called out, then everyone will know I am a weak person.

I know that our spirit guides are more than willing to help us identify our soulmate if we are open to it, that was something else mentioned in the channeling Mary had done back then as well.

Something else that has been perhaps the biggest help, is as I grow my desire to get to know God, She has helped me understand more about myself, and what a soulmate is on a very personal manner. It is something I think that is really special, and individual to everyone, which is awe-inspiring, as there is SO much more that I could be open to, if I just let it happen. Due to my entitlement and demand, I also have this fluctuating feeling that I want to be angry with men because they don't care about my emotional needs so 'f** them' and that I also ruin everything forever with my soulmate when I act unloving...which is a lot.

My mom and I have talked about soulmates in the past, and she feels that she met hers when she was visiting back in her Greek village in her 30's, and they were both engaged at the time, but he wanted to leave his fiancee and be with my mom. They had a one-night fling, and she decided that it would be best to not leave her current fiancee (her 1st ex-husband now) due to security. The man has now since passed, my mother is 77 now, but will occasionally see him in her dreams. Both men she married, including my dad, were due to security, and wanting to have financial help in her life bc she worked as a single mom to my two elder sisters, and didn't want to do it alone anymore. The fact that she understands that this gentleman may be her soulmate (she is also definite both her husbands are not, including my dad) is like a shocking thing to me, but at the same time, it helps to see some of my issues imbibed by her.

Something that is very challenging for me is trusting God's laws and the way Love works in the most pristine way. I often see so many people, both following DT and not, choosing different, various partners, and often I feel sort of hopeless because I want to be with only one person, yet, I still have a desire to want to be in a loving relationship to grow, and to also have all those feelings of being 'loved', which are out of addiction, but I want so much. I have a big injury about being 33 and a loser for not having a partner, or not getting it right when it comes to relationships. I feel very sad about this, particularly today, because I feel like 'hey, i'm trying', but nothing is changing. The fact that I'm lacking humility and desire to feel under the addictions is really frustrating sometimes because I've been struggling with this for years, and I guess I obviously want to avoid everything that is necessary for real change.

Anyway, I actually feel I am not in a good space to write about soulmates, especially when my soulmate definitely doesn't want me, and I have so many injuries about it. I do, however, feel firmly about some aspects of truth that my half has open up to since recognizing and working through some of my stuff.

Hope the info helps.

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Re: Feeling the pain of Soulmate's Rejection

Post by Alejandro CL » Fri Oct 09, 2015 2:06 am

Hi Marina:

I would like to give you a small feedback on your previous post. You said:
Marina Smargiannakis wrote:(...) Something that is very challenging for me is trusting God's laws and the way Love works in the most pristine way. I often see so many people, both following DT and not, choosing different, various partners, and often I feel sort of hopeless because I want to be with only one person, yet, I still have a desire to want to be in a loving relationship to grow, and to also have all those feelings of being 'loved', which are out of addiction, but I want so much. I have a big injury about being 33 and a loser for not having a partner, or not getting it right when it comes to relationships. I feel very sad about this, particularly today, because I feel like 'hey, i'm trying', but nothing is changing. The fact that I'm lacking humility and desire to feel under the addictions is really frustrating sometimes because I've been struggling with this for years, and I guess I obviously want to avoid everything that is necessary for real change. (...)
I feel that if God loves all his children, this means that God loves you. And because He loves you, He does not see you as a loser.

I also have some problems with self steam from my childhood and I know this feeling prevents you from becoming closer to God. Also, God did not create you knowing every thing in the universe, for this reason I feel it is quite normal that some subjects will take you more time to understand than others.

My advise would be to follow what AJ and Mary say and try to find the true causal emotional why you think that you are loser and this will help you become closer to God.

When you are closer to God, your soulmate will naturally feel attracted to you. Actually, Nicky has clarify me that there are 3 ways to attract your soulmate:
Nicky wrote: (...) I feel this is a good and accurate explanation of the process. There are 3 main points of focus when drawing our soul-mate:

1) Progressing in Love
2) Facing personal Truth
3) Acting in your true passions and desires

I spent quite a bit of wasted time on thinking intellectually about who my soul-mate may be etc and forgetting to engage the actual process of clearing my own injuries and receiving God's Love which would attract my soul-mate naturally.

Nice to meet you and I hope you benefit from your time here.

Nicky
Original thread!

With love,
Alejandro.
"The truth will set you free"

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Re: Feeling the pain of Soulmate's Rejection

Post by Tara » Fri Oct 09, 2015 5:13 am

Lisa,

You wrote
Here's the talk where he mentions longing for our soul-mate and how most of us won't stay with allowing this longing to grow and grow, because of how much pain will be triggered up in us. This part begins around 49 minutes in: https://youtu.be/hDmj5ofhrS4
I even watched 15 minutes before and after the 49 minutes and did not talk about pain. He did talk about grief. Grief and pain are very different emotions. I have already talked about pain earlier in this thread. I have been feeling some grief and sadness also about how my soulmate rejected me then I felt how that is like myself rejecting myself because my soulmate is the other half of myself then from here I felt things about how my dad rejected me most of my life. This process took quite a bit of time. After I felt through some of this my soulmate and I had a night out then when he was dropping me off at home we had a conversation and my grief came up, I felt it in front of him, crying, telling him that I know he is my soulmate and it is ok for him to not know who his soulmate is because he needs to go through the process himself and come to the conclusion himself about who his soulmate is. Since I have done this I do not feel the grief and sadness I once did about being rejected. Being open to feeling your emotions is key to feeling your emotions. AJ has said, "Grief is the Healing Emotion".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jog06jgNig0

I feel that Nicky has given the best advice on focusing on:
1) Growing in Love and receiving more of God's Love
2) Facing personal Truth with humility
3) Acting on our passions and desires
These three things are very important in developing in ourselves in order to heal and also to attract our soulmate to us. It is possible you are focusing on the pain in order to avoid feeling the grief you feel.

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Re: Feeling the pain of Soulmate's Rejection

Post by Marina Smargiannakis » Fri Oct 09, 2015 5:19 pm

Hi Alejandro,

Thank you for the reminder and your feedback.

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Re: Feeling the pain of Soulmate's Rejection

Post by LisaQ » Mon Oct 12, 2015 4:43 pm

Hi Marina,

Thank you for the information you shared in your post. I will go back and listen to Mary's channeling on soulmates, too.

This morning I was praying to God and my guides to please reveal the identity of my soulmate, and what came up was more grief about my dad. It was a great, direct feedback loop for me. It showed me that I won't really know the identity until I move through ALL of this grief about my dad's death, which feels never-ending at the moment. And it reminded me to keep focusing on receiving God's love and receiving more personal truth, as Nicky has pointed out in his post (on the 3 ways to attract our soulmates).

Marina, you wrote
I often see so many people, both following DT and not, choosing different, various partners, and often I feel sort of hopeless because I want to be with only one person, yet, I still have a desire to want to be in a loving relationship to grow
. I can completely relate to this! About a month ago, I tried going on a date with a man who I felt an attraction towards (which was really bizarre, because I hardly ever feel any attraction towards any other man besides my perceived soulmate.) So I explored this by trying a date, and it revealed more of my needy emotions of desiring to be held, to be sexual, to feel that loving, close connection with a man. And it also was so clear that this connection was NOTHING like the connection I have with my perceived soulmate, which brought up more grief, longing, and pushed me further into desiring to grow towards God and receive God's love.

Tara, you mentioned grief and pain are not the same thing. I didn't realize this. I was using the two concepts interchangeably. I don't think I have learned the difference yet. Would you be open to clarifying?

Thank you to everyone for this great discussion! :)

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