Hi Niky,
I feel that there is a lot of feelings in you about feeling itself and I suggest looking at your blocks and beliefs about feeling your feelings, for yourself. This is going to be individual to you.
I feel you are wanting others to validate your experience and tell you, you are on the
right track. I have personally wanted this which is actually an addiction and covers some fears I have about 'doing it wrong', wanting to share my emotions with others and also being just afraid of what I think I am going to feel and other stuff. I am finding that when I allow the feelings to flow it is often a relief just to feel at all.
You say:
I kind of think I'm supposed to feel anger first, before I can feel fear, before I can feel the causal emotion which is grief?
I suggest that you are only going to know if you do it. In fact there is no way you are going to know what the process is until you actually do it and experience it for yourself. So try it out, experiment - pray, feel and then reflect.
It is tempting to get others involved in the process and it is tempting to try and get it 'right', but I feel this just a way to try and get away from various fears __________[insert yours here] and feelings you have.
You say:
So my question is.. does this mean I'm just having a tantrum? I don't want to waste time crying on tantrums / facade emotions.
Again Nicky, unless you feel and experiment you are not going to know for yourself. Often tantrums lead to deeper emotions. A tantrum in the first place is exposing to you there is an issue. Yes it is easy to stay in the tantrum, but I notice when I am honest with myself I can feel the difference and there is no change in my life e.g. when the same situations or a similar one happens I get back into the tantrum EVERY time - this highlights it is a tantrum and I am not feeling deeper.
Part of the process is about getting sensitive to ourselves and how we really feel about
everything and feeling it. This requires courage developing the quality of humility and growing a passionate desire to know God's Truth on every matter.
'Anger is your guide' and 'fear is your friend' (titles of Jesus' seminars).
I feel you are wanting others to tell you what to do and where you are at and you are frustrated about 'wasting time on emotions'.
I agree that you need to get sensitive to when you are remaining in a tantrum and when you are in façade/deception emotions, this is really important in order to progress and when we are in denial and don't want to see things we justify these places as 'real feelings'. I have found that growing my sincerity and allowing myself to receive feedback (sometimes from others and sometimes by just observing the Law of Attraction and if it actually changes or not - I had to get more sensitive to this also, smile) I am becoming more aware about when I am in façade and tantrum mode and when I am more genuine (it does feel quite different).
I find that it is vital to 'start where I am at'. Which means whatever the feeling is that I can connect to, connect to it and feel it. I am learning that what I feel is what I feel. Also I have had a limited range of feelings I have 'allowed' and I am having to become more open to just letting whatever I feel be felt. Again this is part of learning to trust God and also discovering my feeling self.
From my understanding every soul is made to be an 100% emotional/feeling being, so it is going to be super important for us to learn to feel all our feelings all of the time no matter what (in a loving manner to both ourselves and others) rather than continuing to stay in our false beliefs and errors about feeling/s.
Courtney has made some suggestions for you also that you may want to experiment with.
My encouragement to begin experimenting. Even with others in the house you can still do this (I used others being around as an excuse to not feel, but have found ways to feel that are not intrusive to others).
All the Best,
Eloisa
All the best in feeling