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will Vs will power

Posted: Mon Sep 07, 2015 2:34 am
by Grahamsutherland
I am exploring the difference between will and will power.
This is especially the case with respect to challenging addictions.
All too often I have challenged my addictions only to discover that what I thought was using my will to challenge my addictions was actually using my will power to challenge my addictions.
If I am really truthful with myself I don't want to challenge my addictions hardly at all. As a result I am not working through the emotions that underlie my addictions and trying harder only causes a rebellion inside myself that pushes me in the wrong direction.

Rather than fighting myself I feel I need to work with where I actually am in my emotional condition and what is possible in this state.
So I am instead focussing on developing the genuine desire to feel, rather than intellectually convincing myself that I know what I am doing based on my intellectual understanding of what AJ says.

It seems like it is possible to actually desire to feel such that even uncomfortable emotions are in a way enjoyable because they feel so real.

Pretty much all of my life I have been trying to control my emotions with the result that any emotions I feel are not actually real.
I have come to the conclusion that my life has been wasted in fa├žade and avoidance and so is "unreal".
Anything that feels "real" is beginning to have an allure. Such feelings are pretty rare but when they come up I attempt to take notice and try to allow myself to surrender to them. That seems to be about as much as I can currently accomplish without using will power (trying).

Re: will Vs will power

Posted: Mon Sep 07, 2015 10:27 am
by Alkhemst
I really love that insight Graham. My wife mentioned something to me recently in a similar way that made me reflect on this topic a bit more. That what I'm trying to get with my addictions is never attainable anyway. In other words there's no substance or nothing even real in where and what I'm seeking. For example my need to prove my worth (a big addiction I'm coming to realise), in the past when I've gotten acknowledgement of this "worth", it was generally a compatible addiction in that other person being met. My worth was valued only by how much the other's addictions was met and vice versa. Both our real selves were missing from that exchange, so there no real recognition of my worth there, as at no time was my real self even visible (or there's). There's no substance, so nothing is really met and the hunger for more like all addictions just gets bigger. I figure this isn't much new to those who have listened to what AJ, Mary and Cornelius presented on addictions, which I also listened to - its just what's sinking in a bit more deeply lately for me.

Something else came up too that made me realise where I've been struggling. Often I found myself pushing towards God, like I need to jump these emotional hurdles and then I can get to God. So if only I can push myself hard enough with my "will power' to release these emotional blockages, then I'll be worthy of God's "love". It's clearly a total misconception of God and God's love. Of course real love can't be based any such conditions, I know that in my head, my heart however still struggles with knowing the truth of this.

Re: will Vs will power

Posted: Wed Sep 09, 2015 9:42 am
by Mary
Hi Graham,

Jesus and I just read your post and wanted to say - spot on!

Jesus says he has been trying to help you to come that conclusion for a long time and we both feel that it is so great that you want to see it now.

We wish you lots of encouragement to go down the track that you have suggested for yourself because it is the right path to take.


Re: will Vs will power

Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2016 11:37 am
by Amanda Stracey
Thanks Graham for highlighting the issue for discussion. I've certainly had a lot of trouble recognising there is anything wrong or unkind or unloving about using will power or that I am using it even and there is this other thing called will - I've found the following talks really helpful to listen, read and watch:

12 Jul 14
Assistance Group
With Mary
An Introduction To Love
Strengthening Our Will To Love ... cript).pdf

28 Jul 14
Assistance Group
With Mary
An Introduction To Love
Strengthening Our Will To Love ...

29 Jul 14
Assistance Group
With Jesus
An Introduction To Love
Revision Of Previous Day ...
This is an extract I like in particular for its clarity:

Participant Female:
Like yesterday when you said about being kind to each other; until I make those choices is it not better to do the loving thing in facade or ...
No, it's never. Like, do you think it's good from God's perspective that you do a loving thing in a facade? Is it love then?
Participant Female:
Love can't do anything in a facade. When are we going to get that? Love is either a real emotion, or it's not there. So let's be honest and say it's not there. Whenever you try to love in a facade you're not being real, and therefore it's not love anyway. So it's all a waste of time.
What you need to do instead is you need to recognise, "I am being unloving right in this situation right now. I need to remove myself from this situation and sort my reason why I am being unloving right now." If we were really loving that's what we would do, but that's not what most of us do.
Participant Female:
So if you feel you can't be loving in that moment, you remove yourself and then ...
Remove yourself and look at the reason why. Feel the reason why. It's only by feeling the reason why that anything will really change. If you stay in a situation and be all facade, that's not love. Stop thinking it's love. It's not. It's not love. It's a facade and it's evil, and it's untruthful. It's manipulative. It's controlling. It's a lot of very negative things but it isn't love.
We've got to give up this concept that we can fake love until we make love. We've got to give up that concept. We can't. It either exists in the moment or it does not. For the majority of us it does not, and we need to be honest about that, and start at that point.

4.2.2. How to act in kindness when we feel unloving
Participant Female:
When you said being kind to each other, the kind thing is to remove yourself ...
Yes. The kind thing is that if you feel like, "I'm a bit angry now. I'm a bit frustrated now. I want to manipulate this person now. I want to control this person now." The kind thing to do in that situation would be to remove yourself from the person. Say, "I'm being unloving to you." Remove yourself from the situation and go into the reason why you chose that unloving action. That would be the kind thing.
But the majority of us don't do that. Do we? We don't. We've got to start being honest about the fact that we don't do it, and that means that our will is actually not as nice as what we think. The reality is that we have very little will to love, and rather we have quite a lot of will to attack, and punish, and denigrate. Pull down, humiliate, and be condescending, and act superior to, and a lot of other things that we have our will being exercised towards. It's not loving.

4.2.3. Love can't be manufactured with will power
You're not going to be able to fake it. I cannot emphasise to you enough, it's impossible. Stop using the word love along with will power, because will power is not loving. Like you can't use your will power to love. It's impossible. Stop using the terms as if you can. Stop joining the terms together. Stop thinking that you can act loving without feeling a feeling of love. You can't. Give that up as a concept. You've got to be real about that if you're ever going to progress. It's very important, and Mary's talk covered that. Perhaps not quite as insistently as I just did, but that's the point that we're trying to get across to you.
You cannot manufacture love. Love is an emotion of your soul that needs to be real, and for most of us if we're honest, it is not real. So therefore you're using will power and it's not love. Anything that's not real is not love. So it's not love, it's just co-dependent addiction. Bartering. Showing off. Whatever you want to call it. It's not love. We've got to give up the concept that we're being loving through manufacturing a state. Very important part of this understanding of your will.