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Full Repentance for an Abortion

Posted: Fri Jan 29, 2016 12:06 am
by LisaQ
I have been struggling with going through a full repentance for aborting a child 11 years ago.

I'm finding that there are many deeply rooted injuries from my childhood that seem to be related to why I took this highly unloving act in killing my own child, which I am attempting to work my way through, one by one. (Some of them trace right back to some of my deepest injuries.)

Has anyone successfully undergone a full repentance for an abortion, where you have no more emotional charge about having done this unloving act?

I am finding that there are layers of emotions to work through. I processed one layer about a year ago, and just recently, there is another quite deep layer that I'm feeling through.

Part of the issue is I'm having trouble feeling that I could ever be forgiven for this incredibly unloving and irreversible act that I took. I am guessing that God is ready and waiting to give Her full forgiveness, but that I am still blocking it because I feel unworthy.

Any feedback would be welcome.

Thanks,
Lisa

Re: Full Repentance for an Abortion

Posted: Sat Feb 13, 2016 3:16 am
by Eloisa M
Hi Lisa,

I would like to share with you my own experience on the subject of abortion, in my case were three babies. I am in this process of feeling remorse for killing my own children - God’s children - for about 12 years and only after learning about Divine Truth 3 years ago that I started to develop my will to progress. The problem of self-punishment didn’t help me to progress instead it tortured me for many years. I was deeply immersed in self-punishment and even asked God to keep in that hell because I deserved to be punished forever. Only later I realized that self-punishment is an addiction as well as self-judgment, these addictions kept me stagnated and in more pain.

Shame is another huge impediment for us to progress in love, although in abortion we have shame before God and society. I learned with the recordings on sexual projections of 20151215 1340 that shame is not a causal emotion but a false emotion and an effect of my judgment, it keep me stagnated if I don’t ask myself the question what am I ashamed of? Therefore, while I was in addictions, God could not help me to opening up my soul to receive the truth about what is the causal emotion that I need to feel and release in order for me to be able to really repent and have God’s help in this process.

Although I received assistance from Cornelius on this particular subject, I only released some of the emotions at that time and got trapped into shame and punishment up to recently when I was able to feel more emotions on this subject. The truth is I had hate of my dad and transferred this hate to the children I killed, they are male. I only allowed myself to feel this truth a week ago so that’s the reason I am posting this now as it is very recent for me and I am still in this process.

After receiving some truth about my addiction with people here in this forum, I prayed to God to show me the truth on this particular event. Next morning, I finally was able to see that this hate for my dad that started at a very young age, was an effect of a primal angst, hurt and discomfort he caused in me on the subject of sexual projection, he didn’t touch me physically but projected this emotion to me. I couldn’t feel the hurt he caused me thus I suppressed all grief and hate and continue in denial all my life. Although I had three fragmented images in later situations I didn't want to get to the painful emotion symbolized in these images. They were LOA events that could have helped me if I reflected a bit and had allowed the feelings in me and more importantly would have save my babies.

Sadly to say, I become this woman totally in facade who wanted to “help/rescue man” to transform them into a good man or good father to replace that one I didn’t have. So I became a sinner because didn’t feel my grief. I am remorseful of these sins towards men and I want to purify my soul completely, freeing it from errors in relation to men. I now wonder that I chose my profession partially to met my addictions, that is, do not feel the grief dad caused me. I know now that he hurt me in the past however the grief lives in me and I need to take responsibility for and release it. As you said there is many deeply rooted injuries that we need to uncover, and this hate is now uncovered and I released it. I couldn’t see my hate towards dad because according to the Catholic beliefs, hate against your parents is a sin, moreover I was fearful of God’s punishment in this regard until I felt that God doesn’t punish His children.

Now I am sad that I didn’t have love in my heart to the children, instead I killed them, but they have love for me as they came to help me with my grief two years ago around that the same time I talked to Cornelius. I felt their love towards me and their forgiveness, which gave me hope that one they I will also forgive myself. But because I judged myself so harshly and still had the hate inside myself I couldn’t feel the causal emotion for my sins. It is like a chain of emotions that we need unchained and feel one by one until we get to the core emotion on a specific subject. I am nearly there, I am able to feel more of God’s help now given that I am not in addiction with Him in this particular subject.

This is the best I can describe on how it is for me, I hope it can be of some help to you.

Love,
Eloisa

Re: Full Repentance for an Abortion

Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2016 2:24 am
by Eloisa M
I feel that I need to correct the above statement about the hate I have towards my dad. As I understand it at this present moment,I had a suppressed desire to kill him because not only he didn't love me he tried to kill me when I was 6, via shooting a gunfire at us. I hated him so much that I wanted to kill him too.This is the truth I now state.

Eloisa

Re: Full Repentance for an Abortion

Posted: Wed Feb 17, 2016 8:52 pm
by LisaQ
Hi Eloisa,

Thank you for your response. It has brought some more questions and also more clarity.

You mentioned aborting three boys was connected with your unhealed hatred towards your dad.
I did have the thought that part of the reason I aborted my female child was because of my unhealed anger/sadness with my mom. At the time, I didn't know it was a girl, but since then I feel I have connected with her. And it would make sense that I likely had extra fear around having a girl, because of all the pain it would have triggered.

I think the biggest issue for me now is to allow myself (as much as possible) to drop below the tendency to self punish or say "God will never forgive me" and really feel the deep grief and knowledge of how much harm I've created for my unborn child, her soulmate, my partner and myself. There seems to be sadness and repentance work in all of these areas. And ultimately, to repent to God for killing one of his precious souls.

As part of the process of healing, I've been shown pictures of what my daughter went through soon after her death: images of a lovely, bright soul crying in deep rejection and sadness, and feeling completely unvalued for her life. I deeply regret this action.
I've found it interesting that many of my own issues: low worth, being rejected by both parents, feeling not valued for who I was, were the exact issues that I helped create in this lovely soul that I aborted. :(

I do trust that as I long for God's full forgiveness around this event, all of the pain/grief/shame/remorse will fall away.

At this point, I am eager to assist others as I can to prevent more abortions, and I would love to help this child in the spirit world in whatever way I can assist her in becoming more happy and healed.

Question: Does my full repentance depend on my daughter's complete and full forgiveness for the harm I created for her?

Lisa

Re: Full Repentance for an Abortion

Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 6:37 pm
by LisaQ
Hi all,

I want to share a few more experiences and insights I've gained over the last year since I originally posted this question about full repentance for an abortion.

I've been working through many emotional injuries this year related mostly to my mom and my dad. What I've noticed is sometimes I'll be in the middle of working through forgiveness emotions towards one or both of my parents, feeling the deep pain that they caused me, and suddenly I'll get an image of my daughter having had to suffer and experience the exact same emotions that I'm releasing. This naturally leads me to want to repent for the new layer of which I've become aware. As I peel the layers of the onion back, more moments of insight and awareness come to me regarding my reasons for aborting my child. It amazes me how many of my own different childhood injuries (including some of the deepest ones) coalesced in my decision.

I can't say that I'm done with the repentance process, but I do feel quite differently towards myself for having taken the life of my child. I don't immediately go into guilt/self-attack, but rather can talk about the act with sincerity and greater compassion for all of the reasons leading to this decision.

I hope this sharing may be of help to others who are engaging this process of repentance for aborting their child(ren).