I was just watching "developing the will to receive God's love" from assistance group 1 2014 and heard Mary say "please God love me". And can I just say WOW! I have been struggling with having a sincere desire to receive God's love for several months now (before that I thought I was being sincere
), and hearing the simplicity of asking for God's love in this way struck a deep chord in me. I have a deep resistance to receiving God's love, and had the whole idea "receiving God's love" locked away in this sterile, prescriptive, rule bound environment. I was so far removed from the actual asking for love that there was no way that I could connect with my emotions and resistances. Just hearing the simple words allowed me to open up to the hurt that asking for love in the past has caused, and the painful realizations that it was not freely given.I now know where some of my resistances have come from: fear of being rejected or fear of not being loved even though I asked for it. Intellectually I know that God loves me anyways, but that truth has not enter me emotionally, not yet anyhow. Today however, I was able to feel through some of that resistance and feel how deeply hurt I felt by the refusal of others to love me.
I have been praying to know and feel through some of my resistances (the one to receiving God's love is just one of many) and then just like that, my prayer is answered. Interestingly enough I was very aware that I had a free will choice to continue to knit and listen to the rest of the video. Knowing that if I chose that the sorrow would 'go away' that was sparked when I heard the plea to be loved. I even contemplated that action for a moment. I was very happy when I decided to stop what I was doing and just allow the emotions to surface. This is now a situation that has built my Faith, I feel lighter, more empowered and hopeful. It has been awhile since I have felt these things as I have been in a cycle of using my will to self punish and give into addictions while trying not to use will power to engage in the Divine Love Path. It's really such a great way that God has laid out before us, the more I experiment and grow emotionally the better and better everything is. Very cool.
Thanks for the time and space to share this
Sage
There are several places where I have some deep resistances, but now that I have engaged in the emotion when God answers my prayer I have more Faith and strength to do it next time too. There is still a part of me that is scared of the overwhelm, of who I will be when this is all done, but I know enough not to let fear be my God and will pray to feel through that too.
Has anyone else