Blocks/ Emotions about God and His Love

[Maxine]

Hi all,

I am currently exploring a relationship with God more than I have before. I still have a lot of error in regards to this relationship, but there is some real longing and I have at least decided to explore and experiment more with finding out about God for myself. My addictions have created a huge wall and so far I haven't had the will or courage to really challenge those addictions. There is more I want to say, but I feel fits into another topic so I will stay focused on what I wanted to share.

A few years ago, before I found Divine Truth, I read 'The Shack' by WM Paul Young. Recently, following a prayer it kept popping into my head again, then I walked into a book shop to shelter from the rain and was drawn to the far right corner and there was the book. I got the hint and bought it and am now reading it again, but with what I have learnt from Jesus and Mary.

The book has a Christian basis and so some of the points are not in agreement with Divine Truth: such as a belief in the Trinity of God, that God sometimes gets angry and that the Bible is pretty much spot on about everything and that Jesus is God. However, regardless of that, there is a gift it because it is a man exploring his relationship with God, following a personal tragedy. A pretty big gift because the book brings up questions and emotions that I, and most of us probably have or have had towards God, especially the issue of our own suffering and its point. Regardless, of how many times, Jesus explains God's laws and sin, it is still hard to understand emotionally why children suffer, for instance - including myself of course.

I have typed up and attached an excerpt from the book that where God ( called Papa in the book) talks to the main character, Mack about this. Please note Sarayu is the Holy Spirit and Jesus is... Jesus. (Trinity) I wanted to share as it helped me feel some truth within myself today - that I don't really believe God is good and therefore don't trust him. I think this passage expresses this pretty well, though of course I am open to hearing what I may have missed too, but I hope it may help some of you too. The rest of the book also offers up interesting points, such as our judgement of God.

It has also helped me realise I don't spend enough time in my own Godshack talking to God, feeling what I need to feel - being honest with God about those negative and fearful emotions I have about Him and especially Her.

Here is the clip:

From “The Shack” by WM Paul Young.

“Mackensie, we have no concept of final authority among us, only unity. We are in a circle of relationship, not a chain of command or ‘great chain of being’ as your ancestors termed it. What you’re seeing here is relationship without any overlay of power. We don’t need power over the other because we are always looking out for the best. Hierarchy would make no sense to us. Actually, this is your problem, not ours. “
“Really?" "How so?”
“Humans are so lost and damaged that to you it is almost incomprehensible that people could work or live together without someone being in charge.”
“But every human institution that I can think of, from political to business, even down to marriage, is governed by this kind of thinking; it is the web of our social fabric,” Mack asserted.
“Such a waste!” said Papa...
“It’s one reason why experiencing true relationship is so difficult for you,” Jesus added. “Once you have a hierarchy you need rules to protect and administer it, and then you need law and enforcement of the rules, and you end up with some kind of chain of command or a system of order that destroys relationship rather than promotes it. You rarely see or experience relationship apart from power. Hierarchy imposes laws and rules and you end up missing the wonder of relationship that we intended for you.”
“Well,” said Mack sarcastically, sitting back in his chair. “We sure seem to have adapted pretty well to it.”
Sarayu was quick to reply, “Don’t confuse adaptation for intention, or seduction for reality.”
“...So, then we’ve been seduced into this preoccupation with authority?”
“In a sense, yes!” responded Papa...
Sarayu continued, “When you chose independence over relationship, you became a danger to each other. Others became objects to be manipulated or managed for your own happiness. Authority, as you usually think of it, is merely the excuse the strong use to make others conform to what they want.”
“Isn’t it helpful in keeping people from fighting endlessly or getting hurt?”
“Sometimes. But in a selfish world it is also used to inflict great harm.”
“Don’t you use it to restrain evil?”
“We carefully respect your choices, so we work within systems even while we seek to free you from them,” Papa continued. “Creation has been taken down a very different path than we desired. In your world the value of the individual is constantly weighed against the survival of the system, whether political, economic, social or religious –any system actually. First one person, and then a few, and finally even many are easily sacrificed for the good and ongoing existence of that system. In one form or another, this lies behind every struggle for power, every prejudice, every war, and every abuse of relationship. The ‘will to power and independence’ has become so ubiquitous that it is now considered normal.”
“It’s not?”
“It is the human paradigm,” added Papa. .. “It is like water to fish, so prevalent that is goes unseen and unquestioned. It is the matrix; a diabolical scheme in which you are hopelessly trapped even while completely unaware of its existence.”
Jesus picked up the conversation. “As crowning glory of Creation, you were made in our image, unencumbered by structure and free to simple ‘be’ in relationship with me and one another. If you had truly learned to regard each other’s concerns as significant as your own, there would be no need for hierarchy.”
Mack sat back in his chair, staggered by the implications of what he was hearing. “So you are telling me that whenever we humans protect ourselves with power...”
“You are yielding to the matrix, not to us,” finished Jesus.
“And now,” Sarayu interjected, “we have come full circle, back to one of my initial statements: You humans are so lost and damaged that to you it is almost incomprehensible that relationship could exist apart from hierarchy. So you think that God must relate inside a hierarchy like you do. Bu we do not.”
“But how could we ever change that? People will just use us.”
“They most likely will. But we’re not asking you to do it with others, Mack. We’re asking you to do it with us. That’s the only place it can begin. We won’t use you.”
“Mack,” said Papa with an intensity that caused him to listen very carefully, “we want to share with you the love and joy and freedom and light that we already know within our-self. We created you, the human, to be in face-to-face relationship with us, to join our circle of love. As difficult as it will be for you to understand everything that has taken place is occurring exactly according to this purpose, without violating your choice or will.”
“How can you say that with all the pain in this world, and the wars and disasters that destroy thousands?” Mack’s voice quieted to a whisper. “And what is the value in a little girl being murdered by some twisted deviant?” There it was again, the question that lay burning a hole in his soul. “You may not cause these things, but you certainly don’t stop them.”
“Mackensie,” Papa answered tenderly, seemingly not offended in the least by his accusation, “there are millions of reasons to allow pain and hurt and suffering rather than eradicate them, but most of the reasons can only be understood within each person’s story. I am not evil. You are the ones who embrace fear and pain and power and rights so readily in your relationships. But your choices are also not stronger than my purposes, and I will use every choice you make for the ultimate good and the most loving outcome.”
“You see,” interjected Sarayu,” broken humans centre their lives around things that seem good to them, but that will neither fill them nor free them. They are addicted to power, or the illusion of security that power offers. When a disaster happens, those same people will turn against the false powers they trusted. In their disappointment, they either become softened toward me or they become bolder in their independence. If you could only see how all this ends and what we will achieve without the violation of one human will – then you would understand. One day you will!”
“But the cost!” Mack was staggered. “ Look at the cost – all the pain, all the suffering, everything that is so terrible and evil.” He paused and looked down at the table. “ And look what it has cost you. Is it worth it?”
“Yes!” came the unanimous, joyful response of all three.
“But how can you say that?” Mack blurted. “It all sounds like the end justifies the means, that to get what you want you will go to any length, even if it costs the lives of billions of people.”
“Mackensie.” It was the voice of Papa again, especially gentle and tender. “ You really don’t understand yet. You try to make sense of the world in which you live based on a very small and incomplete picture of reality. It is like looking at a parade through the tiny knothole of hurt, pain, self-centredness, and power, and believing that you are on your own and insignificant. All of these contain powerful lies. You see pain and death as ultimate evils and God as the ultimate betrayer, or perhaps, at best, as fundamentally untrustworthy. You dictate the terms and judge my actions and find me guilty.
“The real underlying flaw in your life, Mackensie, is that you don’t think I am good. If you knew I was good and that everything – the means, the ends and all the processes of individual lives – is all covered by my goodness, then while you might not always understand what I am doing, you would trust me. But you don’t.”
“I don’t?” asked Mack, but it was not really a question. It was a statement of fact and he knew it. The others seemed to know it too and the table remained silent.
Sarayu spoke, “Mackensie, you cannot produce trust just like you cannot “do” humility. It either is or is not. Trust is the fruit of relationship in which you know you are loved. Because you do not know that I love you, you cannot trust me.”
Again there was silence, and finally Mack looked up at Papa and spoke. “I don’t know how to change that.”
“You can’t, not alone. But together we will watch that change take place. For now I just want you to be with me and discover that our relationship is not about a performance or you having to please me. I’m not a bully, not some self-centred demanding little deity insisting on my own way. I am good, and I desire only what is best for you. You cannot find that through guilt or condemnation or coercion, only through a relationship of love. And I do love you. “
..... “One last comment,” he [Mack} added, “I just can’t imagine any final outcome that would justify all this.”
“Mackensie,” Papa rose out of her chair, and walked around the table to give him a big squeeze. “We’re not justifying it. We are redeeming it.”

Maxine x