No one owes me anything
Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2015 2:38 pm
I have been lurking in the shadows as a guest for a while in this forum and haven't felt worthy to post anything, but as I deal with these feelings little things I have realised along my journey so far have been popping up and I have dismissed sharing them with others as I feel what I have to post is not of benefit as everyone is ahead of me emotionally so there has been some embarrassment and humiliation feelings of exposing my true condition to others. I have realised feeling some of the unworthiness that I have put out unloving judgements of others as well as myself in assuming this and so am realising that even if what I post helps one person then it is perhaps worth sharing. Also I realised I have been afraid to post because I am afraid of receiving the truth about myself from others and when I have in the past I have often projected a lot of rage at the people who do so have been afraid of my own reactions to truth or the anger I have and the damage I have caused with my inability to own the anger. So I have decided to confront this today and start to open up more honestly with you all here and in my life in general. So am starting with what I have started to realise about anger.
I personally have many issues in my life owning anger that I have been ashamed of and I often have projected it causing harm to others and degrading my own soul. I know from my few interactions with Jesus that I have strong addictions that fuel this anger mainly the desire to have power over my emotional experience and others that trigger these feelings in me. I have been struggling with this for a looong time and have had big addiction to my angry feelings... I had a Eureka moment a couple of weeks ago, and when I was searching anger management websites I came across a psychologist who says she always tells her clients with anger issues that "No one owes you anything".
As soon as I read that I got very angry with God about the injustice I felt in this truth and felt a lot of anger and grief about this, a lot of feelings of self righteousness and I could feel a sense of how much demand has been coming out of me and a massive feeling of injustice that no one owes me anything for my pain. But it has really helped me connect with the feelings of injustice that I now realise comes with every pain and how feeling the pain of these events I attract into my life is unavoidable now I cant blame anyone for them . Every time I get angry now I say to myself or out loud that this person I am angry at owes me nothing. And I have found It easier to uncover my own unloving demands and addictions driving the anger. It has been a turning point in me starting to own my anger and I feel now is what Jesus meant when he said that " everything that has happened to you that was unjust....was unjust." and how important it was for us to realise this. I am a bit disappointed to discover I am still realising this after 4 years but I am also grateful I have started to realise this now. And felt this might help others struggling to own their anger.
I still have much work to do on my addictions that I am uncovering underneath the anger but realising that "no one owes me anything" even the people that have caused me pain and feeling the injustice of that has really helped me step forwards in this area into owning my anger and starting to see the unloving addictions underneath.
Laura
I personally have many issues in my life owning anger that I have been ashamed of and I often have projected it causing harm to others and degrading my own soul. I know from my few interactions with Jesus that I have strong addictions that fuel this anger mainly the desire to have power over my emotional experience and others that trigger these feelings in me. I have been struggling with this for a looong time and have had big addiction to my angry feelings... I had a Eureka moment a couple of weeks ago, and when I was searching anger management websites I came across a psychologist who says she always tells her clients with anger issues that "No one owes you anything".
As soon as I read that I got very angry with God about the injustice I felt in this truth and felt a lot of anger and grief about this, a lot of feelings of self righteousness and I could feel a sense of how much demand has been coming out of me and a massive feeling of injustice that no one owes me anything for my pain. But it has really helped me connect with the feelings of injustice that I now realise comes with every pain and how feeling the pain of these events I attract into my life is unavoidable now I cant blame anyone for them . Every time I get angry now I say to myself or out loud that this person I am angry at owes me nothing. And I have found It easier to uncover my own unloving demands and addictions driving the anger. It has been a turning point in me starting to own my anger and I feel now is what Jesus meant when he said that " everything that has happened to you that was unjust....was unjust." and how important it was for us to realise this. I am a bit disappointed to discover I am still realising this after 4 years but I am also grateful I have started to realise this now. And felt this might help others struggling to own their anger.
I still have much work to do on my addictions that I am uncovering underneath the anger but realising that "no one owes me anything" even the people that have caused me pain and feeling the injustice of that has really helped me step forwards in this area into owning my anger and starting to see the unloving addictions underneath.
Laura