Bullying

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Anna S
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Re: Bullying

Post by Anna S » Fri Jan 29, 2016 11:21 am

Hi Joakim
I also live in an apartment and have practice to hit my sofa, stomping the floor, hitting the air with my fists and growl like a tiger to express my anger.

What I did to not feel cautious about my neighbors was to talk to them and telling them what I was doing and ask if I was disturbing them. No one had heard a thing!! Perhaps I had chosen a time when nobody was at home, but that information made it possible for me to just let my anger come out.
If you have a car I find that to be a good place to scream, shout and roar when I am driving - but not in rush hour ;-)

Do you feel having a policeman as a neighbour good or bad in this situation?
I am feeling that you resist to start to process your anger. Is it so? Talking to that policeman is perhaps a possibility to trigger some fear!

I wish you good luck
Anna
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Nicky
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Re: Bullying

Post by Nicky » Fri Jan 29, 2016 2:58 pm

Hi guys

I'd like to point out a few things in this thread that may provide some assistance.

Julie, you said:
I feel stirred, a bit fired-up just talking about it ~ a good sign my memories are brewing. Ok then, time to sign off and get into the brew. Why let it burn me Any Longer?!
You are engaged in addiction here and the same addiction I have addressed with you a number of times, particularly in your interaction with Graham in the spirit section of the forum. The same dynamic is going on here with you. I have been noticing that lately, you are tending to sometimes "over-share" details of your experiences with others on the forum. The advice you give to others can be beneficial for them, but it will be hard for them to see clarity on what you recommend as you intertwine this with a lot of your own personal stuff which is not really necessary. You attempt to pull others into your own emotional processing from a narcissistic place at times. While it is loving to relate your advice back to your own experiences to further highlight a point, I do not feel you are doing this from a loving space much at all currently.

This thread concerning a strike Mary issued to Teresa a few months ago will help you. Also, this is the same issue I raised with you in one of your 2 amber strikes. I feel that the feedback Mary provided here to Teresa applies to yourself and can be used verbatim. Here is the thread:

viewtopic.php?f=7&t=283

Joakim,

I have been feeling you were engaging in some addiction in a few of your posts but until now I hadn't been able to pinpoint it. I have noticed that you have this feeling in you of wanting to provide comfort & validation to women. In this thread there are a few examples:
Wow, sounds like you had some wonderful experiences with God. And you are making progress. And becoming more emotional.
I cannot imagine what it must have felt like when your parents told you that. That sounds heart-breaking.
Great that it is working for you!
You feel as though you must look after a woman emotionally, it is a compulsion. This will relate back to your relationship with your mum. How would you feel if you did not provide women with these feelings? How did your mum respond to you if you did not do what she wanted of you? If you feel down that route, it will open some big emotions for you.

I have had the same addictions and have realised how much of an issue it has been in my life which affected my happiness (lack of) in a big way.

Anyway hope that helps you mate.

Nicky

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julie_bennion
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Re: Bullying

Post by julie_bennion » Fri Jan 29, 2016 5:39 pm

Thanks Nicky!,
I've been wondering, but not clearly able to see or feel about this addiction to bringing folks into my world, as it is currently seeping into my posts here. Thanks for letting me know that you're still feeling this from me. It's time for another time-out.

Julie

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Joakim
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Re: Bullying

Post by Joakim » Fri Jan 29, 2016 6:12 pm

Hello Anna.

It was an attempt to try and be funny. Maybe not that successful :). So, sorry about that. Let me be more clear. The fact that he is a policeman makes no difference to me at all in this regard. I want to be considerate to all my neighbors regardless of what they do. I really like him though, he is a great guy :) (for the record)

But, am I resisting my anger. To be honest I am not sure now. I thought I wasn't, but now that you mentioned it, I am not sure. I was focusing on other things I also need to work through so I haven't really had time to get to it yet. I will have to think about it. Thanks for your feedback though.

/Joakim.

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Joakim
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Re: Bullying

Post by Joakim » Fri Jan 29, 2016 6:23 pm

Nicky,

wow, spot on. I have been noticing this in my current relationship as well but I didn't realize until just now what a big pattern this probably is for me. I don't know why I feel the need to do this. Thanks for sharing that it is related to my mum too. I will definitely ponder those questions. Thanks a lot for taking the time to pinpoint this! I appreciate it mate.

/Joakim

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Lena
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Re: Bullying

Post by Lena » Mon Feb 08, 2016 7:53 am

Hi Joakim,

I have just read the thread and Nicky's feedback about the addictive feeling you have with the women. Which I agree with.

I just thought to bring your attention, that you have replied to a woman (Anna) first, with the same feeling, as what Nicky was explaining to you, before you have responded back to Nicky.

I felt it may be a good point to bring your attention to, for yourself to look back at and ask why you felt it was more important to do in that sequence and still engage the same feeling with another woman before attending to Nicky's message.

I understand it is hard to spot addictions in yourself while you are engaged in them.
I have found that for me to recognise the compulsion was only possible when I have started to pay very close attention to why I was communicating with certain people and stop the communication so to highlight what I was getting out from it. Instead just feel the desire to go back to that communication but not take the actions.

I feel the assistance groups material from 2014 is amazing and might be helpful to look at step by step guidance to expose the addictive compulsions.

Lena

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Joakim
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Re: Bullying

Post by Joakim » Mon Feb 08, 2016 10:34 am

Hello Lena.

Nice to meet you. And thank you for your feedback. This is all very new to me and apparently it seems hard for me to spot still. Do you think you could be more specific as to what part was in addiction? Or all of it? If you have the time, I would appreciate it.

I am starting to question being "polite". I was taught to always be polite and so on, now I am not sure if this would be considered insincere or just a way to communicate? And by the way that part is not just towards women. Does being polite fit into Divine Truth? I may be mixing the topics here.

I did watch the assistance group 2 a few weeks ago. I remember Nicky was in it. It was very interesting in many ways. I have been thinking about watching the other group also. Maybe the dynamics are completely different and it would be helpful for me.
I have found that for me to recognise the compulsion was only possible when I have started to pay very close attention to why I was communicating with certain people and stop the communication so to highlight what I was getting out from it. Instead just feel the desire to go back to that communication but not take the actions.
Ok, so after that you go back with a response but leave out the addictions/compulsion you recognized, is that what you mean?

Thanks,
Joakim

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Lena
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Re: Bullying

Post by Lena » Tue Feb 09, 2016 9:35 am

Hi Joakim,
nice to meet you too!

I feel you have not given yourself enough time to self reflect on this issue.

I have recommended to go back to the moment when you have read Anna's and Nicky's posts and have decided that you wanted or needed to respond to Anna first before attending to the feedback from Nicky that you have been engaging the thread in addiction.

This is a good indication that you didn't really care enough, after you have read the feedback, to stop and think that what you were doing maybe of harm to yourself or to these women. And have proceeded to engage yet with another woman, without reflecting what is a feeling coming from you that Nicky was spotting on here.

Yes, I agree, when we are in this kind of compulsion, which is an addiction, we can not feel anything else. The purpose of addiction, as very well and detailed explained by jesus and Mary is to hide and avoid any feelings. So by default this is what addictions do.
To me it feels like a law, and there is no way around it. While we are engaged in addiction, other feelings will not surface.

Myself and Eloisa will write a post about this at some stage, when we have time, with all related links to the DT seminars and material on this subject.

I don't think being polite is wrong. Just like being funny isn't wrong.
However you can be polite and not in addiction, or polite and in addiction.

Just like you can use humour to minimise facts, truth or use it in other degrading ways like self attack or attack of others.

I feel being polite is not what Nicky is referring to here. But a feeling that is coming from you towards women which they like and continue to come back for more.
The only way to expose the feelings, is not to engage in addiction.

I hope this was of help to you and clarified some things better.

Lena

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Anna S
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Re: Bullying

Post by Anna S » Tue Feb 09, 2016 7:11 pm

Hi Joakim and Lena!
Thank you Lena for your feedback - it makes me inspired to practice to trust my feelings and not dismiss them. I realize that I do sense what is communicated to me emotionally, but I have a tendency to ignore what I felt, instead of practicing to put words on it.

Joakim, if you are interested, I would be happy to share what I felt from you in your response to me above.
Your question about being polite made me reflect on what that word means to me.
I do agree with Lena that you can be polite and not in addiction, or polite and in addiction. But I do believe it is a rather high risk that we are polite from a facade and in addiction, as many of us has been taught to be polite. My understanding is that the more we develop in Love, the more we relate to others from a soft heart and from being authentic. The word that is coming to me is that we are growing in being kind to each other instead of being polite (in a facad manner).

With love
Anna
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Joakim
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Re: Bullying

Post by Joakim » Thu Feb 11, 2016 10:36 am

Anna,
please feel free to share. I am still thinking/feeling about this.

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