Processing fear

An illusion yet feels so real
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Max
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Processing fear

Post by Max » Sat Sep 19, 2015 5:08 pm

Hi Max,

thanks for your intro that inspires me about your love for God.

you wrote :

I surrendered to the overwhelming terror that had come up and just shook and cried all night until dawn.

Would you mind sharing a bit more how did you manage to surrender to your terror a stay in it such a long period of time and trust the entire process that you would eventually go though the other side and come out of it sane and healthy?

Hi Pierre

I thought it would be more appropriate if I answer your question under this heading. I think I could write a book about the events that happened to me on that day but I'll try not to waffle on too long.

On this particular day during the assistance group I had had a good morning processing stuff to do with my mother. I felt so good that I decided to start telling off the group of angry women spirits that had been attacking some of the men in the group. I explained to them how unloving their actions were and how they were hurting themselves further by doing this, that they had probably treated their sons like my mother had treated me, etc. then I said that they could try attacking me but it wouldn't be of any use because I knew how to process my emotions.

So I had told them off, got them angry and in my arrogance gave them a direct challenge. Not very smart. They played me beautifully, there was no initial head on assault or attack, they came in through the back door, through the vice I had just displayed, my arrogance and self importance and that door was wide open. Over that afternoon, by posing as my guides, they fed me lies which I wanted to believe and pumped me full of energy and basically read my facade like an open book. They were brilliant at it, I was in over my head. By the time I started to suspect what was really going on they had successfully decoupled my hold on reality. I felt I was loosing my grip on what was real and what was lies, they were in my head now and working hard to break me down. I had been here before a long time ago so I knew where they were pushing me. Insanity was now pounding on my front door and I was terrified.

I got some help and advise from Jesus which was like holding on to terra firma while the waves were crashing down around me. In my desperation I told some people I could trust some of what had happened. While doing this I realised that no one could take this away from me, then I knew what I had to do. I had to feel my terror.

I knew I had a choice, I could get in my car and leave (which is what the spirits were trying to get me to do), or I could stay and face it. I chose to stay and face my fear.
The walk in the dark from the dining room to my cabin was only about a hundred meters but I don't think I've ever felt so utterly alone. When I got to my cabin I went straight to the toilet and vomited the entire contents of my stomach. The fear was pretty intense so I started to pray to God for help because I didn't think I could do this. I felt moved to write so I did and found that my guide gave me a lot of wonderful help and guidance (as he has so many times before). I'd like to share with you just a short piece of that help.

"Your mistake is due to your inability to trust me. Let go, I will catch you, I will hold you in my arms and love you."

That really helped me to just surrender to my fear and place my trust in God. I think it's so important to realise just how much support each one of us have from our guides and how much they love us and want to help us grow towards God.

So I crawled into bed and stepped of the ledge into the abyss and let the fear overtake me. I wasn't sure if I would emerge out the other side whole or broken but I placed my faith in the only one I knew could save me.

Once the process was under way it was less distressing then the time leading up to it. So long as I didn't resist, it was ok, I could do this, as soon as I resisted it became unbearable. So I just kept surrendering and going with it, shaking and crying and making other noises. The only thing that started to concern me once I got going was if I had the physical endurance to last the distance. At some point I realised that this process was like an endurance event and I started to wonder if I had the stamina to keep going because it just kept going and going. But I realised that this was just another fear and I surrendered that as well. When dawn broke and the birds stated to sing I knew I'd made it and that I was whole. The shaking stopped and I fell asleep for a while.

Many gifts were given to me that night and although you haven't asked specifically about them it might help to illustrate that placing your trust in God in a process like this can give you more then just the release of that emotion.

At one point during that night I found myself next to my guide, I turned and looked to the side and could see my body lying there, shaking. I could feel my body in the bed under the covers shaking but I was some distance away looking at it, next to my guide. He then took me away to a place where I stood in front of what I can best describe as a lake, a large expanse of blackness, not water but like water, except it was black and viscous. I immediately recognised it as my pain and sin. It was so horrible and big and all part of me. I turned away, I couldn't look at it, the horror and dread of it was too much. My guide encourage me to face it. When I did I saw that the vast majority of it was of my own doing. Every unloving act I had ever done was there and I could feel them and I couldn't bear the sight of it because I knew with absolute certainty that I would have to feel and acknowledge every drop of that blackness if I ever wanted to be at one with God. It was an inevitability. Seeing my distress my guide explained that I didn't have to feel it all at once, one step at a time.

This gift has shown me the importance of repentance and how important it is to not feed my addictions and get out of facade. I don't want to add to my lake of black yuck, I want to transform it.

I have gone on a bit, hope that was of some help.

With love

Max

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Nicky
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Re: Processing fear

Post by Nicky » Sat Sep 19, 2015 9:35 pm

Hi Max

Thanks for sharing your experiences in this post - I feel it will be beneficial to a lot of people.

I was one of those at the assistance group where the angry women spirits were attacking me - I used to do anything to placate women, let them get away with "murder" as such to avoid their potential rage thus being very open to attack from them - it was pretty intense and it was a result of my own addictions with women.

Also, as a side note Max, I felt it was appropriate to move your thread to the "Fear & Terror" category (I appreciate that you were replying to Pierre) - I hope that is OK.

Cheers

Nicky

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Pierrejoseph
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Re: Processing fear

Post by Pierrejoseph » Sun Sep 20, 2015 2:35 am

Thanks Max, this definitely helps a lot. Also your image of the yucky lake stuff that is our soul is great.

I don't want to abuse your kindness and time to help me in sharing your experience of processing terror but I get now another question that you (or anybody with experience on that topic) may feel to answer or not :

Did you have to experience before a lot of adult anger and addiction (false beliefs) before to get to your terror?

Because I feel I am internally very irritated and angry at the injustice of getting attacked all the time by women (and spirits) when I don't feed their addictions, and I just want them to stop to attack me, and I judge them, I am condescending and unloving to them and I judge myself at projecting passive aggressive anger at them, and I am in terror behind that facade...

However, when I feel God's and my guides loving support and allow myself to surrender to my emotions thanks to their support that gives me strength to do it (if I can call it that way), I usually go straight into a place of overwhelming fear and grief and pain in my body and so don't experience anger first. Terror is just there before me as I don't allow myself to let go and surrender more for the time. In this place I also sometimes feel false beliefs about me, God, processing and truth that are my blocks to get to the terror.

As because I have a lot of false beliefs about rage and anger and judge it so much, I might be jumping over it to a self deception emotion and I am confused because in that place I would not feel Gods and my guide loving support.

I felt sick in my belly the whole night and I still feel sick now and I wonder if I have been under spirit attack as well. That is my second question. I don't know really what's going on with me and I wonder how do you know you are under spirit attack or it is something else going on withing you. Because I feel if I open to God's Truth about it, it might help me in feeling my terror. Actually, spirits attacking me can be helpful for this I feel. I know when I have judgmental low self worth thoughts at me, they love to bring me further down. But it is not my feeling right now.

Thanks again,

Pierre

Max
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Re: Processing fear

Post by Max » Tue Sep 22, 2015 3:36 pm

Hi Pierre

I'm not very good at connecting to my fears at will by trying to get through adult anger or deconstructing adult beliefs. I find that for me the easiest way to connect to a fear is to wait until one has been triggered by an event or to purposefully chose to act in a way that will bring one up and then surrender to it and just feel it with the intention of going as deep as I can.

If you are finding that you are getting stuck in anger, condescension and judgement instead of feeling the terror behind them, then maybe you are using those emotions to avoid the terror.
I think Jesus has said that if your desire to feel your painful emotion is less then your fear of feeling that emotion then you're unlikely to do it. You have to either increase your desire or decrease your fear and also don't beat yourself up about it, just acknowledge where you are and look at the blocks that stop you from doing it.
However, when I feel God's and my guides loving support and allow myself to surrender to my emotions thanks to their support that gives me strength to do it (if I can call it that way), I usually go straight into a place of overwhelming fear and grief and pain in my body and so don't experience anger first. Terror is just there before me as I don't allow myself to let go and surrender more for the time. In this place I also sometimes feel false beliefs about me, God, processing and truth that are my blocks to get to the terror.
From what you say about the times you feel supported by God and your guides you seem to be aware of some of the blocks (false beliefs) to feeling your fear. This would be a good place to start.

In relation to your second question, I think the feeling of being sick in your belly all night is just the physical sensation you have when you are resisting your fear. This is a common response to resisting fear and can result in you actually vomiting. This is what I described happened to me (above) before I felt my fear. You are most open to spirit influence when you are trying to avoid feeling an emotion. Therefore your resistance to feeling your fear is making you more open to spirit attack and influence.

I think the best place for you to start might possibly be to tackle the blocks you have to feeling your fear/terror. At the moment from what you have said it sounds like you just don't want to feel your fear right now. And if that's true you need to change that first.

I hope that was of some help

With love
Max

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Pierrejoseph
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Re: Processing fear

Post by Pierrejoseph » Thu Sep 24, 2015 10:00 am

Thank you Max,
it all makes sense, indeed I am using all kind of techniques / addictions to avoid feeling my terror (among one is anger / blame / not taking personal responsability etc). This is a important thing to acknowledge that I do not want to feel my terror and from this point of truth I can pray for help to feel the blocks and I will add when I stop feeding my addictions only it is a sincere prayer, anyway help does not come when staying in addiction. Just more spirit attacks and feeling helpless and alone in this place. Not the right track to go definitely. I tell from experience it sucks! I notice at this stage, my desire to feel my fears varies from day to day, and so is my desire to pray for help. The best continual help is to be open to God's law of attraction, definitely. No more desire to force myself into it. Too tired of it and out of harmony with sincerity and free will, it is just pure will power, so exhausting and inefficient. Thanks again for your insight.

Pierre

PS : I watched the co-dependant addiction in group video from AG2 (a must see and see again one) and could finally put a face on your name again, sorry for that but now I remember I enjoyed your company and our chat there and it is great to connect again.

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Maxine
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Re: Processing fear

Post by Maxine » Thu Oct 01, 2015 10:21 pm

Really helpful discussion guys. Thank you.

I am in a similiar place to you Pierre and have more addictions than I can identify to avoid feeling terror. However, lately, due to powerful LOA I have felt some fear. I had prayed for loa events in sleep state to trigger fear and my prayer was answered. For some reason I seemed able to start in sleep state more than awake. Now some has seeped through to me feeling some fear in my awake state. It's not huge yet, but it is a start as well as at least recognising when and how I try to avoid feeling fear.

The AG stuff is amazing. Thank you for your part in it.

Maxine x

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Pierrejoseph
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Re: Processing fear

Post by Pierrejoseph » Fri Oct 02, 2015 10:00 am

Hi Maxine,

I am amazed by the loving power of the law of attraction. My fears are triggered so many times each day again and again, but the challenging thing is to decide to fully experience them. I observe it comes a lot at works when I delivered some work for a client (I am self employed), that I put them in a position of authority, and automatically lots of my childhood fears and terrors created by my parents not wanting me to cry are triggered all the time.

When I have to do a paid work for a person, I notice that I give something and get something in return, here money (what I learn love to be from my dad). It is a typical bartering relationship as I learn to relate with my parents. Interesting he. Now, what I usually attempt to do is to breath in my fear, let me shake a bit if it arises (actually only if I am not seen), and not listening to my compulsion, what my fear dictates in the moment which is the hardest thing to do for me. Oh lord. I don't allow myself the space to go through the fullness of it as I find it unloving for my client or the people around me to have to hear/see me processing emotions (and also i am scared of their judgment).

And I find very difficult to attempt to stay operational at work in the moment (usually I do all kinds of illogical actions and work very inefficiently with many errors at that moments, sometimes breaking things (anger, blame (injustice) when not owning my fear) or self punishment (addiction to avoid it) and then it is a challenge to come back later at home in the situation to feel the fullness of the fear. But it is possible and it is a matter of desire and will I feel. I experience that sincere prayers are always answered and so I know my prayers are not sincere when it is the case.

I find these discoveries very helpful to me and hope it can help others in a similar situation, and I am also keen to hear from others what is their experiences in working situations and how they lovingly deal with it. It is a actually topic in itself.

Luli
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Re: Processing fear

Post by Luli » Tue Jan 19, 2016 12:52 am

Thank you for this thread - it was really helpful for me. It's also inspiring, Max, to read about your experiences in allowing your terror, allowing yourself to surrender to the process and coming out the other side, and also the soft loving help that your guide gave you through the process. It moved me a lot as I have a tendency to shut out that loving help that is available to us.

Thanks

Luli

Max
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Re: Processing fear

Post by Max » Wed Jan 20, 2016 11:12 am

Hi Luli, I am so grateful for all the help my guide has given me over the years. He has made a critical difference in my life on a number of occasions and I feel a great love and fondness for him.

When I wrote about deciding not to run from my fear but instead feel it, then returned to my cabin and prayed for help and felt moved to write, I had directed my prayers directly to God and the writing I felt was a response from God (this is what I have always done). I know that it is my guide who is impressing the message on me but I can feel that his feelings are in line with Gods feelings on what is being communicated in response to my prayer and so I see it as a response from God, and my guide knows that I see it that way.

So when he said "Your mistake is due to your inability to trust me. Let go, I will catch you, I will hold you in my arms and love you." I felt this primarily as Gods feelings for me, even though I knew they were coming through and were shared by my guide. This made it much easier for me to surrender to my fear by surrendering to God and my guide knew this at the time too.

My guide is quite happy to sometimes play this intermediary role between myself and God. He's not interested in glorifying himself, he has no facade, he's happy to glorify God. He's such a wonderful example and inspiration! And we all have one of these beautiful souls assigned to us, trying to assist us in whatever way they can. If only we would let them and accept their love and help.

Max

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