Addiction to Feeling Valuable and Superior

[LisaQ]

Hey guys,

Over the past few months on the forum, I have been observing how I resist offering assistance to folks, even though I feel at times I could be of help.

I finally responded to a post that Pierre made in the 'Assistance Section.' (Easier for me to respond to a man, because I've felt superior to men most of my life and terrified of women.) I read the post a hour before responding, then had this quickening feeling to respond, like a compulsion feeling. I noticed feelings of being in a hurry, like I was in competition with others on the forum, wanting to be the very next to respond. (It reminds me of school, when I desperately wanted the teacher to call on me first so I could get approval for knowing the answer.)

So, this morning, I've gotten some more clarity about what addictions this has exposed. I have this compulsion to feel knowledgeable (and therefore, superior) to others. (Most of my childhood, I was condescended to by my mom and belittled for my own abilities, so I have this HUGE need to feel smart, superior, and valuable.)

It's interesting because also mixed within all of these addictive feelings (yuck) is a sincere feeling of wanting to be of assistance to another, but unfortunately at this point, I can't even say what percentage of my impulse to help is a truly loving desire. Mostly, it feels clouded over by a need to feel valuable, superior and smart.

I trust that as I feel through these addictions and continue to release these unworthy feelings, the desire to be of assistance to others will be much more pure.

Hope this might help someone else.

Lisa

[Pierrejoseph]

Hi Lisa,

thanks to reflect on this with more honesty.

I would add that I am an easy target as well to feel inferior to women so that could be part of why this compulsion to respond to my post - more than another one -, because there is a good chance you get your addiction met, a feeling of being superior to me as a man.

I could feel a bit of what emotion you looked for in your post if I reflect honestly about it, like appearing as "the" great teacher who knows perfectly what to do because has already personally gone through it all.

I wonder however how much was coming from you and how much from spirit friends hocking into your injury to feel superior (you want to avoid feeling inferior from the treatment you received from men in your childhood, dad?) that want to help you to feel superior to men (and they want it as well), like you are colluding. I am not clear enough to feel all the truth here. It is just something to reflect upon as a possibility as I notice I have these kind of spirit around me most of the time.

Your post was definitely useful/helpful for me and not nasty or off/attacking.

I can relate myself to your addiction to help others that is in the way to a more pure desire to be of assistance to others. I am sure there is this desire in my soul and it is so very very strong that I am in tears when I feel how I would love it to be refined and put God's truth and love nr.1 in my life. Emotionally, it brings me a terror of breaking through my addictions to my grief. But as so, it is impure for the moment because my addiction is 1) to feel a valid/good person, and 2) to placate/avoid to get anger/attack back and 3) to get sexual approval to validate me as a man. They are in the way to express a pure desire to assist and prevent more clarity on what is God's truth in order not to compromise anymore with it to feed my addictions. Well, this is what I believe to be truth at this moment in time on the topic.

I feel important to keep engaging it (being aware of not following our compulsions to do it) and give feedback when we feel we can be of assistance because of our own discoveries, and the humbly deal with what happens, so we will know how pure it ends up to be.

Great topic,

Pierre

[LisaQ]

Hi Pierre,

Thanks for your response. I'm currently on the road (moving across the USA from east to west coast) and will respond in greater detail once I land!

Lisa

[Pierrejoseph]

Hi Lisa,

just to reflect a bit further about our interaction previous (viewtopic.php?f=11&t=880) as I am reading my reply again today, I am realizing that I completely avoided my own feelings and responsibility in attracting and allowing this unloving interaction (I speak the feelings you projected, not the words), and in general, women who wants to feel superior to me/men.

I attract this interaction with you as part of my loa for feeling my grief about how I have been treated by mam, BUT as I was not humble and so not sensitive to it, I ALLOWED and tolerated this kind of behavior instead of standing up for truth, feeling my pain and grief, and raising/reporting the issue with love : "this is what happened and it is not OK, not loving because this and this..."

I lacked humility, love for self and love for you in avoiding to feel and address/report it. I got my addiction met to placate women and avoid mam / women to be angry/attacking when I don't feed their expectations as I hardly felt there was something off. Another addiction was met in such instance, to avoid taking personal responsibility in my life / for my emotion in becoming subservient to a woman (she knows better anyway and I avoid taking risks of personal choices, being wrong and punished for it). I realize even a third addiction met in the post was to feel worthy of mam/a woman spending her own personal time for trying to help me. This all made me blind to what was really going on.

I find it interesting that I did not even noticed it myself to be an issue to raise in the first place and that probably tells me how little humility I have had in this interaction
(facade, addictions met and lack of humility about the underlying feelings in the message). I find to become sensitive to the real emotions being exchanged such an amazing process of growing and discovery about love and truth.

If I am wrong/incomplete about what was going on, I am very keen to receive feedback/truth about it as it is a major issue for me.

Thanks again for being truthful and it helps me to become aware of what happened for me in this interaction.

Pierre

[Lena]

Hi guys,

there are some addictions going on for you Pierre in this post as well as other posts you have engaged in on the forum and via private messaging system, which I have highlighted in my strike post to you here:

viewtopic.php?f=7&t=930

It is not fair to Lisa to compare her to your mom as she is not your mom and has not treated you like your mom did.
You do this by stating to her that she is your law of attraction and a reminder about your emotions with mom.

Pierre I do not feel from what you have written to Lisa that you have shared your true feelings about Lisa.
It feels more to me like what you wrote to her is purely an intellectual statement.
(It looks like you have used an intellectual understanding that you have heard from Jesus and Mary about interactions with women are often related to our stuff with our mom)

I say this, because Lisa isn't your mom and isn't treating you like your mom.
If you have some memories coming up from your childhood while communicating with someone, you do not need to blame them for that or to even tell them about it. You need to take personal responsibility and to feel your own memories. Only after you will be able to see if what they did was unloving to you or they were treating you fine and just conversing with you and you just had an emotional memory of something.

As you will see in my post, linked above, that it is very important to start feeling your anger with your past experiences with women rather than carrying this anger forward into all of your current interactions with women and into your future interactions.

What you are doing is damaging to yourself Pierre and to others.

I have engaged in a similar a behaviour once myself and I was given feedback thankfully timely for me to see what I was doing was very unloving.

All the best

Lena

[LisaQ]

Hi Pierre,

I have just landed on the other side of the USA and have not been doing the depth of inner work that I was before my move, so I honestly have not probed deeper into this compulsion to feeling valuable/superior/knowledgeable. The greatest insight and clarity I had was soon after posting my response to you.

I do know that when I wrote the post to you, I wasn't feeling attacking or angry towards you. Rather, I was excited to assist you if I could. That being said, I have in the past tended to be drawn towards men who I view as 'weak' or 'soft' and my past pattern has been to dominate these types of men. There is likely a bit of this energy that is still unhealed inside of myself, and so, my apologies for any (unconsciously projected) superiority or condescension in this regard.

As I mentioned, I still haven't delved into this addiction to feeling valuable and superior in regards to helping others. If I uncover more and it feels right, I'll post more info as this area is explored more.

Your second post did feel like your were analyzing my response from a mental position rather than just trusting your initial feelings around it. I wonder if there are spirits with you who would like to influence you to feel you are being attacked by women even when you aren't, because they have anger towards women and want to 'get back' at them through you? (Not sure if this is the case, but it feels possible.)

Anyhow, thank you for this dialog: I'm learning so much from the interactions on this forum. Thanks again to Nicky, Lena, & Eloisa, for your dedication to keeping the integrity and love in this forum. It is a great gift.

Lisa