Sexual projections at the same gender (for hetero-soul)

[Phoebe Bruce]

Hi guys,

I have been slowly and gradually more deliberately uncovering some truths about my sexual projections. I am a heterosexual soul and so the vast majority of my sexual projections are towards men, a desperate seeking for attention that begun in my early childhood I imagine, but from memory when i was 10 (I went to an all girls school for three years prior to that) is when they launched into full blast mode and I first recall the desperate/intense/insatiable/frenzy type feelings about getting a boy to notice/want/give "love" to me.

But what I am uncertain about, I have heard in a recent talk Jesus and Mary give 'Sexual projections, fear and addiction', and previously also, that there is such thing as sexually projecting at the same gender even for a heterosexual soul. Maybe it is because I am still very blocked to accepting this as truth, but I cannot grasp what this "looks"/feels like in action. I know I have had strong competitive emotions with women, and I have equated physical beauty with superiority and power. When I was young I didn't feel very pretty compared to my friends who would get more attention from boys. As I grew, and added layers to my facade to avoid the pain of this, I altered my appearance (turned my brown hair blonde, started at the gym, restricted my eating, wore different clothes etc) and felt more beautiful and desirable. I felt more powerful in the company of other women and not so 'boring' or 'forgettable'. It was like there was this undercurrent of competition, male-attention comparison, and body comparison with my girl friends. I'm thinking now there was sexual stuff mixed in there but I'm not sure exactly how it would manifest.

To define my understanding: A sexual addiction is wanting a feeling that is sexual in nature from another person to help me avoid a painful feeling. I guess I don't equate the competitive stuff with being a feeling that is sexual in nature.

has anyone had any experience with coming to recognise such same-gender (for hetero soul) sexual addictions ? As opposed to just addictions?

Thanks

[Lena]

Hi Phoebe,

I think this is a great topic for discussion.
I am glad you have raised it.

I also have very similar struggles, and feel I will share some things here as I feel through them.

I must re-watch the recent recording on this subject. As I feel I have missed out on some crucial points, just wondering if you have seen them yet yourself, as it may help you with some of your questions?

20151215-1340 Sexual Projection, Addictions & Fears P1
https://youtu.be/eC9XjhgAS4U

20151215-1340 Sexual Projection, Addictions & Fears P2
https://youtu.be/fgr4GmrMhuI


Lena

[Courtney]

Hi Phoebe, Courtney here (the one who asked the question in the feedback session you saw). It sounds like Jesus and Mary are going to record more sessions about sexuality and sexual projection, which I think will benefit us all so much as it's clear this session got a lot of us thinking and feeling for ourselves about our own sexual stuff, and as they say, it's such a huge issue for everyone and the planet.

What was feeling is that I can understand why Lena wondered if you had actually watched the new session, as your questions you posted were essentially the exact questions they answered in the session, which it sounds like you had seen before posting here.

It feels like perhaps you heard the seminar and some fear and confusion were triggered for you, and you came to the forum before feeling through much of it to ask more questions. Though they shared there is much more depth on the topic they will talk about in the future, I feel the video they did is so packed-full of info and so many truths and prompts for us to start feeling through, and they cover pretty much everything you raised--what projection feels like, why we might have it towards certain genders, and also about how it ties in with competitiveness.

So as I needed feedback on this and sent in the question, I am clearly not through all my stuff, and I have compassion for all of us in how big all this sexual stuff is on the planet and how much we've all got to work through. I just wanted to share my initial feeling that your posting here was out of some panic and confusion triggered by the content in the session, and I'd suggest really going into the feelings of all that. Most of us have some amount of shame (fear) and confusion (fear) about sexual stuff and we badly need to address all that. It was one of the many incredible gems of the feedback session for me!

[Phoebe Bruce]

Hi Lena and Courtney,

Lena thanks for posting the links. As Courtney rightly pointed out I have already listened to that recording (thanks a LOT Courtney for the feedback question you raised with Jesus and Mary!) And I feel you are also right Courtney in what you could feel about me perhaps not really having taken enough time to feel through my response to the material on the particular topic I raised. I am half way through listening to the recording for a second time (began again after reading your reply, thanks!), and I still feel I have lots of questions but I will take your advice and spend some more time reflecting for the time being.

I still feel a desire to share around this topic with forum participants who have had experiences with feeling through or working through these types of issues, and what they may have learnt, so hope to keep this discussion alive it there's others who wish to share.

Bye for now and thanks

[julie_bennion]

Hi Phoebe,
What you describe from your early years, of desperately seeking attention so you'd feel loved & wanted, that rings true for me too. The way that shows up with both genders as we grew up, becomes sexual in nature, to various degrees, by virtue of our seeking attention, approval and "love" from others, while we were also coming into our sexuality. So we dress, talk, act, diet (or, in my case, go the bulimic route) in ways that are considered sexually appealing, so that (we desperately hope) we will Always feel we are attractive (and therefore lovable) to any & everyone.

So while you didn't want to have sex with another woman, I would suggest (based on my experience of this) that you wanted them, as well as men, to think & feel of you, that you were sexy (and so, approved of, appealing, "lovable").

In this way. we who were desperate for attention as we grew into our sexuality, projected our need at people through our sexuality, as in, "See me, see how sexy, how beautiful & appealing I am... like me, adore me, want me, 'love' me", regardless of the recipient's age, gender, religion, nationality... Just full-on seeking approval by way of our sexual energy, projected out. For me there were additional motivations, like "take care of me" and "don't see who I really am or what I'm really doing".

Anyway, that's what I was looking for & aiming at (and before too long, came to expect from everyone in my environment), for a long time. So I hope something in here helps you uncover more of what's true for you!

[Phoebe Bruce]

Hi Julie,

Something about the wording in your post helped things click a little bit for me, I guess coupled with the explorations I've been doing into my issues of jealousy and competition with women. How, by nature of becoming more aware of myself as a sexual being, all the ways of trying to get approval, love and attention sort of filtered through that 'sexual' energy and became these warped, sexual projections. Regardless of if aimed at a man or a woman.

Thanks for taking the time to respond!

Phoebe