Dad was there after he passed

[Benjamingp]

There is a story from when i was a child, 5 years of age. My father has been sick for a long time (a year or so). He had lung cancer. His life was very hard. He felt a lot of truth but had also a big lack of self-worth which stopped him from following his passions. He must had a lot of denied emotions for such a sickness to occur. Only when he got more and more sick, he progressed as i can read out of my moms storys. He finally passed.
At the time he died me and my sister were at our grandparents balcony and our mother came to us and told that he has died. Everyone was in pain and cried and so on. I did too. Not because i was in greif, but because everyone else did.
Instead pain, i even enjoyed the moment inside myself. I felt very calm and happy but i did absolutely not understand why.

That is on of the things in my early life which i remember quite good. I am in contact with him more or less conscious my whole life, but as i watched one specific video from AJ and Mary (or was it the book from R.J. Lee?), i suddenly started crying because i felt clearly that he was there as we were told that he was "dead" he was there giving me that feeling that everything is fine and there is no need to worry. I didn´t had the opportunity then to engage the relationship but believed the story that he has gone forever...

It is also overwhelming for me now as i feel this feeling again.

One time when i was fourteen or so, i felt not good in this times, i said to him that because he has left me in an egoistic manner, he is supposed to help me from where he was now, and i can´t remember exactly but things went better after that. I remember because i wondered that it was "heard".

Thanks
Benjamin