It continues to sink in how amazing and precise the Law of Attraction is, and how it dictates all tiny and big things that happen and that we see in our days.
I saw this quote soon after you posted it towards the beginning of the forum, and it was the primary thing of a couple little LOA's that has launched me into a bundle of really big emotions since then. I read it, and right away felt that I strongly have had that feeling described in the poem of 'I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."
I started remembering how when I was pretty young, I would talk to God a lot. I had much more optimism about the goodness of God and God's interest and love for me when I was really little and I can remember that even though I don't have the same feeling again yet. But when I experienced abuse from my parents or the pain of their unlovingness, of which I have memories as young as probably about 3 years old, I can recall sobbing uncontrollably in my bedroom and asking God why He wouldn't stop my parents from doing those things, and pleading God to take me away from it. Not like I wanted to die like how that sounds; I just wished God would help me get away from them. I often fantasized about running away from home as a child (but never did). Increasingly I started feeling like perhaps God didn't really care about me after all. And then as I got older, I felt that way so often that eventually by the time I was a teenager I lost almost all connection with God. And then teenage years were rough; I was diagnosed with depression (no longer have it, glad to say), had multiple eating disorders, etc.
So anyway, I saw this poem, was able to feel the total lack of faith in what it was sharing about God, and realized I needed to start venturing into this iceberg of emotions at God related to feeling like I was not
at all carried by God during the troublesome times of my life, including when I was a little child. Since then I've gone through a ton of anger, also total devastation and despair, and I'm starting to realize emotionally (vs. intellectually) that the feelings of being emotionally abandoned and not cared about are attributable to my parents' treatment of me, not God's. I didn't consciously realize this was how I felt, but a lot of my life I've preferred to feel that God was the one who didn't care and didn't love me, but my parents did indeed care for me and definitely loved me. That God failed me miserably but my parents did the best they could. I've realized through my error-based emotions that I've incorrectly filtered a lot of the Divine Truth material in such a way that I've felt like, "See? Look at all this criteria we have to meet just to get a tiny bit of God's love. It feels like God's love is conditional and I have to prove myself to God before I can be loved", when the truth is that's how my parents were, not God.
And as far as I feel like I've come in acknowledging the truth about my parents' damage to me when I was a child, there is still a degree to which I've been in denial and minimized it, partly I think because I'm still a bit in fear that I'm a bad person to attribute it to my parents, and also fear of the grief of it being true. I still don't understand emotionally why as small children (vs adults) we can talk with God and not feel God back sometimes, but I know I'll understand that eventually as I work though more emotions. This is all another experience that's teaching me how true healing absolutely can't happen without truth (about our childhood, and about God). I can't grieve what I won't acknowledge. I can't heal what I won't acknowledge. The more I get into the real pain and grief of it, I'm starting to also have a genuine desire and curiosity to understand and feel what God was really feeling for me during the times I couldn't feel God. And I'm also starting to feel the truth of a statement Jesus made in a seminar once which went something like, "You'll have more emotions to work through in your relationship with God than on any other topic". I can also feel how focusing on the emotions with God is going to automatically make processing everything else a bit smoother, faster, and certainly more integrated, especially if I can genuinely ask for God's help and love through them.
So I suppose I'm sharing in case anyone else has similar feelings when they see beautiful poems about God's love superimposed on sunset pictures, love the idea of it but don't really feel that way yet.
