feeling it or living in it?

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Angharad
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feeling it or living in it?

Post by Angharad » Mon Apr 11, 2016 6:46 pm

Hi, I am just wondering how other people manage with doing all the Divine Truth learning and emotional processing and getting on with other aspects of their lives?
I find that I am not able to do anything other than make it my highest priority, because if I don’t I mostly feel like crap and that I am ‘living’ in it. But perhaps by giving over so much of my life to it I am ‘living’ in it anyway?

I am lucky enough to work for myself as an artist so I can be flexible and give it time when needed but I also need to do enough work to survive. I currently am managing but can see the money running out soon, perhaps it is a question of faith? Or self responsibility?

Very often I make listening to divine truth and attempting to understand my ‘stuff’ a priority all day everyday whilst my son is at school. I write, walk, sometimes create and release emotions where I can. I feel I have moments of connection to God and on a rare occasion that joyful, loving state has been known to last a week but a lot of the time I feel like I just trying to process emotion after emotion after emotion. As soon as you have wept about one, another one comes crashing through the door. I feel like I have forgotten how to be lighthearted and fun and am just serious and emotional! In the past I have thrived on change and truth but now I feel unsure if I’m actually ‘getting it’! I am hoping that this is because I am getting to the more painful truths rather than kidding myself.

There have been some shifts recently, such as re-connecting with (whom I believe) my soul mate and a lot of recognizing the self worth issues that need addressing but rather more of ‘standing on the edge of that dark pool of emotions stuffing food in my face in resistance’ rather than jumping in!
Since starting to listen to the amazing new assistance group, I am trying to take a fresh look at how much resistance and addiction I am truly in and accept that I obviously don’t want to feel those emotions as well as the other choices I am actually making. I am interested to hear of how others manage their processing and time.
Many Thanks x Angharad

Miranda
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Re: feeling it or living in it?

Post by Miranda » Wed Apr 13, 2016 4:21 pm

Hi Angharad,

I have been working freelance for quite some years now, combined with studies and part time jobs. I've wanted to make it a priority to be true to myself and not take a job I don't like just for the money, and have needed time to investigate, explore, think and feel, and so on. Now sometimes I feel like I've drawn the short straw, stuck in the life fitting a person of a younger age than my own... well, that's what society would think I guess and one of my fears. However, it takes courage to take time to be with yourself with the perceived risk of "falling behind" money wise and carreer wise... you have to face your fears, you can't hide behind your work or hide yourself in it... you can't create a false image of success if you are not acknowledged as successful by the world....

Anyway, I too have felt that life sometimes becomes heavy with all the processing. I remember AJ talking about this in a video and said that writing down how you and your life has changed the past 5 years could be a good way of "measuring" your progress, and see that things actually are changing for the better in your life and that you are becoming a better person.
He has also talked about the importance of pursuing our desires. This brings joy to our lives and it gives us strength to keep the emotional processing. It's also a question of self reliance versus God reliance. We should aim for involving God and not try to solve everything by ourselves. Pray to God for help with the processing. And last but not least, patience. The way is not a quick fix, and it would be strange if it were since error has been in us for such a long time and we are so used to it that we often have a hard time knowing who we really are, without the "mud" that has been stuck on us... But our true self is what we are searching for.

Being an artist in it's true sence is also about curiousity I think. It takes courage and we really need to be in contact with our feelings to create art and to be able to channel art, especially from the higher spheres.

If you run out of money it's because you have a block there, and I guess you need to cry about it and release it, instead of avoiding the situation (which a looot of people do and end up working other jobs when they really wanted to be an artist).

I hope some of this might help you and I am in a similar situation so I am probably also giving this advice to myself. :)

Best,
Miranda

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Patricia Sanders
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Re: feeling it or living in it?

Post by Patricia Sanders » Fri Apr 15, 2016 10:25 pm

Hi Angharad,

There are lots of times I ask, what’s happening here, what’s happening to me, where is this all going to end if I keep it up, am I really doing the right thing by following this path, am I doing it “right” – because sometimes it seems like things are just getting worse – and it seems like maybe you are feeling a bit that way now.

I wish I could say from experience, just trust the process and God and it will be all right, but I can’t because I haven’t been through that yet. I have enough belief in it to keep going.

I think it’s kind of like learning to ride a bicycle. First you use the training wheels (really secure and just depending on plain old dependable familiar gravity to keep you upright). Then you take the training wheels off and it feels very insecure and scary, like for sure you’re going to fall, and you might actually do that a few times. But then you take a chance and get going fast enough and then this NEW LAW – the law of momentum – kicks in! Something you’ve never felt before! And it’s okay! And really fun! And then you start doing wheelies and riding to your friends' houses and then you decide to bike around the world! Yay!

I feel it’s like that with the Way to God … we have to be willing to abandon the old, secure ways and really take a chance with God’s Laws, and that process is scary because we don’t really know or trust those Laws yet. But the possibilities that will open up must be absolutely awesome - that's what keeps me going sometimes.

That’s where I’m at now myself, still in a lot of fear but I keep telling myself to trust the laws, trust God’s care for me, trust the Way, trust Jesus and Mary because they’ve never steered me wrong yet.

About resistance, one thing I can say from first hand experience is that the emotions I resist are probably the exact ones that would make a huge positive improvement in my life if I would just choose to feel them. I’ve been able to see that in retrospect at times.

I still have a lot to learn about self-care and self-responsibility so if what I say here is wrong or incomplete I hope people will jump in and say so. I feel that there’s nothing more worthwhile than healing our emotional injuries and accepting truth and developing our relationship with God and that it’s worth giving up a lot of lesser values for their sake. Actually, it would make sense to give up ALL lesser values. But it doesn’t seem loving to neglect our own present well-being in the process. I feel that if I’m not caring for my physical well being and meeting genuine responsibilities, then I need to look at my worthiness and love of self and self-responsibility … I say “I” because this is at the forefront for me right now. I have needed to do this and am still working on it.

It seems like you're making some separation between activities directly involved with the Way, and working for survival. I would say about that that God’s Laws are always operating, and whatever work we’ve chosen is going to be an area for feeling and confrontations, if we’re humble and self-aware. So even when we’re not learning Divine Truth or praying or processing, there’s still plenty of work to do to examine how we feel while we’re earning money or engaging other activities, ask why we’re choosing that work or those particular activities, what needs to be purified about them, how we could do them in a more loving way, etc.

I hope some of this is helpful ...
Patricia

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Perry
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Re: feeling it or living in it?

Post by Perry » Mon Apr 18, 2016 11:49 am

Hi everyone,

I wont write too much. I just felt like to say that I think a lot of people are on the 'path' with the feeling of 'When will this path EVER END so that I can be happy and start to live my life' ha... But truly, there is NO END to the path. That's why Its so important to want to have a desire and relationship with God. The relationship with God is your LIFE NOW. When we design our life with the purpose of wanting to know God, I have found that 'everyday life' even 'processing shitty emotions' can be enjoyable when viewed with an attitude of 'What am I learning about myself and God here'? ... Granted I don't always feel this way and I have my struggles, ups and downs and sometimes think what's the point?! But Im then reminded of how much better my life is since starting my relationship God, and thus I continue with the hope that it will continually get even better and better...

Angharad
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Re: feeling it or living in it?

Post by Angharad » Mon Apr 18, 2016 10:49 pm

Hi guys,
Wow, I am having a really interesting time trying to write a reply! the computer keeps messing up, losing it etc but most of all I feel like I have narcolepsy, my head literally keeps hitting the keyboard as I fall asleep……something to look at here, for sure!
Thank you for taking the time to reply.
Miranda: You have mentioned a couple of things which are food for thought. I realise because I enjoy everything I do (pretty much) I realise that I feel I should just be grateful and appreciate it and don't always stop to check in with what is my hearts highest current desire. I forget that it might change as often as I do! I guess in the unstable creative world I have often been trying to create some sort of consistency in a field where there is none!
Patricia, thank you for the reminder about trust. I need to keep working the trust and faith muscle. I do at least feel that I have some sort of relationship with God, where before there was none and I have experimented on processing with prayer and without………..it is undeniably quicker with it! God reliance though still require much more work.
Thanks Perry, I have recently been trying to 'come to terms' with the infinite nature of this path. The truth is sometimes the 'no end' does feel more like a burden than a joy, but I have had enough successes to believe in keeping at it. Hmmmm I think I need to further investigate how I feel about this.
Thanks again,
Angharad

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Amanda Stracey
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Re: feeling it or living in it?

Post by Amanda Stracey » Wed Apr 20, 2016 8:11 am

Hi Angharad

When I've felt bad emotionally I feel now I've actually been forcing myself to deal with emotions when I didn't really want to or judging myself or punishing myself for not doing it all well enough or even for not enjoying the process or punishing myself for not releasing an emotion or not getting to an emotion and making no progress or going backwards. Also I've felt miserable when I'm not getting what I want from someone so say I realise I'm relying on my husband for something so I try to stop doing that but then get annoyed because he doesn't step in and do it anyway then I get miserable for being so flaky and not really wanting to face the addiction.

Some of that might be food for thought.

Also on the occasions when I feel something real has been released there has been a feeling of peace afterwards ( the peace that passes all understanding) and feeling that all the work towards it was worth it.

Hope that helps.

Amanda

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David R
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Re: feeling it or living in it?

Post by David R » Sun May 22, 2016 5:46 pm

Hello Angharad,

While reading your story something jumped out at me - " I feel like I have forgotten how to be lighthearted and fun and am just serious and emotional! In the past I have thrived on change and truth but now I feel unsure if I’m actually ‘getting it’! I am hoping that this is because I am getting to the more painful truths rather than kidding myself."

From personal experience in releasing a few deep-rooted emotions, I always felt happier and more full of love after this process. If we are open to the truth of our own emotional condition and sincerely wish to release it we will definitely know we are on the right path. After the pain comes the love (God's love if we desire it) - Hope I could be of assistance to you

Lots of love

David

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