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Newborn Baby, food as addiction or a necessity

Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2016 8:47 pm
by Benjamingp
Hi everyone,

I often had questions while she was pregnant but got always the feeling "ask god about this subject". Since i´m only open to god very little i got some answers but most of the time i blocked them.

So i go this way again to writ in the forum knowing that the best way to do is still engage a relationship to god.

Here begins the question:

My girlfriend has born our baby 6 days ago. I ask myself about the baby´s pain. The first two days the little thing was very calm and slept a lot. At the third day (also when it did its first stool) she (its a girl) suddenly began to cry for no obvious reason. How to i deal best with this situation in a loving manner?
The options are (after trying to find the cause):
1.) Try to calm it down.
This would be what most people probably would choose. But is it calming down the cause or is it just calming down an effect? This choice may suppresses the babys emotions and is therefore harmful
2.) Let it cry and experience her emotions.
This is what i would choose "automatically". The danger here is that the baby suffers from my lack of action where i could change the situation and harms it directly thinking i would be loving.
3.) Go crazy, which is obvously not really an option.

It is heartbreaking to hear such a little thing cry. Initially both the mother and i cried too, but that did not change anything. We know (at least inellectually) that we (some emotions in us) are the cause of its suffering. I tried to lay down to the crying baby, love it whole heartly and be aware that the cause is somewhere in myself. It then began to moan and shake uncontrolled which i identified as the experience of fear. I let her do this for some time until the mother took the child and calmed it down finally.

The midwife told us later that the baby simply was hungry even when it did not want to eat. She told that we should breastfeed it anyway because it doesn't know that it is hungry. When she said that it sounded logical too an so we (i) may have underfed it and watched it, which would be cruel.
From this moment on we feed the baby every time when it is awake any every time when it cries. The situation is more relaxed now.

But may be otherwise it would release the emotions in a short time an be calm AND without the cause afterwards. But the experiment over a certain period of time would not be ethical since tha baby could be harmed quite intensely by my (our) lack of love of self.

I´m confused now, because both options sounds logical. The midwife may be following the general tendency to surpress emotions by food or any addiction, but it is also possible that the baby "needs" the food for its development.

Re: Newborn Baby, food as addiction or a necessity

Posted: Sun Oct 23, 2016 7:42 pm
by Benjamingp
Hi again,

after rereading the post i apologize for the spelling errors and the grammar errors and for my bad english.

While days passing by i realize more and more how complex the law of attraction works and once more how far i am away from a pure and loving condition. I hope that the child do nit absorb many of our errors. I feel willing to take actions for the child to feel secure and loved. But as i discussed in the previous post a will to act is not sufficient, the little thing confronts us in the depth of our souls.

So can anybody give me some information (or even feedback) to ensure the best (=most loving) grow up for both us parents and the child?
Would somebody like to share his or her experience with children, especially the small ones?

Thanks for the interest

Re: Newborn Baby, food as addiction or a necessity

Posted: Sun Oct 23, 2016 8:32 pm
by Nicky
Hi Benjamin

Great to hear from you again. Although I do not have any children and so cannot offer you any personal experiences in this regard, I thought to provide a few links to other posts on the forum which you may not have seen before - a number of other forum members shared their personal experiences with being a parent and the emotional considerations and principles involved, so I thought this could be of benefit to you- here are the links below:



Here are a number of Divine Truth FAQ clips that I found specifically on parenting which may also help answer your questions:

You will be able to find a number of more videos specifically related to parenting on the FAQ channel should you wish to watch more.

Hope that helps and all the best with things!


Re: Newborn Baby, food as addiction or a necessity

Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2016 12:04 am
by Elvira
Hi Benjamin,

I have been debating whether to answer your post because it is twenty five years since I dealt with a newborn and I was a terrible mother.

I still remember very clearly that nothing had made me feel so useless, so helpless and so distraught as not being able to help a crying baby. It was a situation I could not 'control', 'manipulate' or 'sooth' and I felt overwhelmed by the responsibility, this made me very afraid. But those feelings and many more were already inside me and I had resisted them many times before and since. So I very well recognize the fear that you are experiencing right now and like you I also desperately wanted to get it 'right' which while it seems like a good objective is also another fear. I used my will power to disconnect from my fear and was instead living in my fear, so of course my sons never stopped crying (vomiting, getting sick........). I think a good starting point would be to admit how afraid you are and how much you don't want to feel that. When you say 'feel her emotions' it may be useful to remember that they are your emotions (and your partners). I know it is painful and difficult to confront how much what you don't want to feel impacts on your children but it is also a wonderful opportunity. We have all resisted our emotions for a long time so be kind to yourself and don't expect you can suddenly do it all at once now because you have become a parent, just do your best to grow your will to be humble with each feeling your daughter reflects or brings up in you.

I wish you much love in your journey as a parent

Re: Newborn Baby, food as addiction or a necessity

Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2016 1:22 pm
by Ivo
Hi Benjamin,

I do not know the answer to your question.
But I can share how I feel about it from my experience.
My eldest son is now 4 years old, youngest - 9 months.
The main thing I wanted to say is that I feel the state of a newborn baby is so much different than the state of an adult or a child, it has just gone through such a huge experience (birth) that all she needs now is the love and touch of her mother (and father). And breastfeeding is not just about food, it's also about the emotional connection between the mother and the baby. I don't think you can really talk about emotional addictions in a newborn baby. I might be wrong of course.

You definitely need to feel all your fears and everything, but you can do it while holding the baby (skin to skin) (or letting your girlfriend hold her) or nursing her at the mother's breast. I guess, as always the best thing is to feel and not think what the best course of action would be. I don't think laying down a 6 days old baby and letting it cry feels right to you.

It certainly is different when the child is one or two years old, but for a newborn "Let it cry and experience her emotions" for me is not the best option.
And what Elvira says: "be kind to yourself and don't expect you can suddenly do it all at once now .. just do your best ..".
Just hold and love the baby as much as you can.
That's how I feel.


Re: Newborn Baby, food as addiction or a necessity

Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2016 2:06 pm
by Benjamingp
Hi, thanks for your answers.

@Nicky: Thank you very much for doing the work of collecting the relevant stuff. I started to go through the material and find it very inspiring.

@Elvira: Thank you for reminding me of my fears, which they are. I guess i have to investigate again the difference between feeling the fear and acting in fear. I´m aware of the fact that every emotion of the little child are our (parents) emotions, which makes it even more heart-braking. The 2nd option in my original post should rather mean "let her express our emotions" than "feel its emotions", which she do anyway. I guess i want to do it all right suddenly, but which is again a detuning from my real emotions like fear as said above.
The only mean to have children without have perfected love can be to help us parents to look at our stuff as AJ pointed out several times.

@Ivo: Probably i underestimate the importance of having skin to skin contact and the situation of the newborn baby. Your post reminds me of that. Its indeed a state and experience which i (we) cannot understand easy. When i talked about "addictions" i did not mean that the baby already has addictions, because as you pointed out this little lovely innocent thing is unable to have such. One can literally feel the innocence, which makes it that hard to watch it cry. I rather meant that if we everytime when she cries just give her food, that later an addiction may be created.

You´re right, to lay down and simply let it cry doesn´t feel good et al. My description may be rather fact-based than emotional, which i know that i have a tendency to. I did lay down with her with my full attention, watched and touched her and (tried to) feel with her the emotions she was experiencing, while at the same time loved her for what she is. Its hard to describe. If i don´t know what to do else i go into this state, it feels like "giving up" trying to do something but rather surrender to the situation.

I appreciate your answer, i can feel your love and passion for the little things welfare. As you said, the state and situation of a newborn child is such a fascinating experience, that i only can feel compassion for it.

Re: Newborn Baby, food as addiction or a necessity

Posted: Tue Oct 25, 2016 5:54 pm
by Bex
Hey Benjamin
Hope you're doing ok, Courtney just forwarded on this beautiful post by Eloisa about parenting that might be helpful. ... ng-part-1/

Re: Newborn Baby, food as addiction or a necessity

Posted: Wed Nov 02, 2016 9:49 pm
by Benjamingp
Hi again,

Thank you Bex, we're doing .. hmm want to say we're doing good, but probably still make many things false from God's perspective.

The small thing (her name is Hannah) is growing and still arriving. Most people would say she is a quite nice baby, letting us sleep quite good (most of the time 4 hours and more straight), doesn't cry very often. She is giving us many signs before she get in a state of despair.
But i'm still surprised how hard the arriving at the earth is for her. The first two weeks are dominated by eating and sleeping, which is logical and good. But i imagined it more to be like "wow cool i'm here now". But it rather felt like we had to convince her that there is any enjoyable experience here on earth (except sleeping and eating. But even these things do not work well every time.). Many things are strange and scaring, the body seems to be more like an obstacle than a useful tool. Everything seems to be inconvenient strange.
Most people around us say that this is very normal, that they do need "the time to arrive" and learn everything from the beginning. While i understand this, it cannot be meant by the creator to be the case. I imagine that if the parents both be in a very good condition that their baby would not have to feel any pain et al, wouldn't it? It would be more like a animal baby (as AJ pointed out in a video i watched recently), curious but not scared for example.
Where does it come from?
My personal feel is that i enjoy the life on earth (more than the average person in my environment, but certainly very less than it is meant to by by God). I (and also the mother, my lovely girlfriend) have certainly a big facade which covers over a lot of fear which we have still to accept let alone deconstruct.
So i ask myself if little Hannah is reflecting our state, or the state of the world in which she is born into.
While writing this the answer coming in mind is: it is a mix of both our unfelt negative emotions (mostly fear) and also a reflection of the worlds current state (which is also a reflection of our state)

Do anyone know this experience of newborn babies, that they seem to feel not invited to the earth? Or do anyone know where a newborn felt quite good from the moment it was born?
Does it tell me that i'm way out of harmony with gods way so that a newborn feels a rejection straight away? This question indicates my fear and so i have to go into the fear. I then often compare myself with the world around me and see that i'm quite happy compared to people around me, so that i do not have to consider it further. But what if i take a very loving person (maybe even God) as an example? From that perspective i am certainly way out of harmony with love.

I hope that what i wrote is understandable and makes sense