Just Not Good Enough

[ThomasJames]

Have you had any insights into feeling "not good enough"?

I know that this feeling of being "not good enough" came from my childhood, and was projected or transferred from my parents' own feelings of not feeling good enough about themselves. It is connected to my parents shaming, judging, and hurting me. I can connect to some of the rage and grief underneath this experience, of my parents doing this to me.

My question is this:

To release the feeling of being "not good enough"... What underlying causal emotion do I have to process?

If it is grief, then I can go ahead and keep feeling through the grief of it until it is released. I can feel the hurt and sadness of my parents mistreating me this way and connect to the grief.

But is grief the underlying causal emotion that I need to process and then it will be released?

Or is there something else in the process to release it that I'm not seeing?

Thanks in advance for your input!

[Bex]

Hey Thomas
If you check out all of the new assistance groups and chronologically go through them I think you will find the answer to your question said in the most precise, eloquent and beautiful way. I have had issues myself with not taking responsibility for my own self and wanting men in particular to do stuff for me, it might help you to ask yourself why you would ask people to work out your causal emotions (I literally did the same thing not long ago! and realised I have so much anger and issues with self responsibility, god etc just because of that.) Especially for you to ask about emotional processes when Jesus has hundreds of videos you can check out yourself! I am saying this with total compassion though as I have been really bad at expecting others to 'do the work for me.' And do you know what? now I'm realising that it actually feels a relief and freeing to have a wee bit more control in my own life but I have still have huge resistance and anger about it.

I am only just starting to feel my emotions and recently have had kind feedback that we just simply cannot skip to the causal emotion which is why I wanted to write back to you. There are so many layers to feel through before you can get to a causal emotion, numbness caps rage and anger which caps fear which caps grief.....(which Jesus has explained so many times)
The fact you said your parents shamed you etc you will have anger to feel about that - let yourself just feel it.
Your question answers your question in that you could know more of whats underneath the feeling of not being good enough by actually just simply feeling not good enough! If you focus on the fact you're not feeling good enough and ask God to start helping you and asking God why do you not feel good enough your Law of Attraction will start telling you. Maybe women will get angry at you or maybe men or maybe both! and you can start deciphering and 'being a detective' and working out where things came from based on what comes up for you in your life. These laws of attractions will help trigger you IF you pay attention to them, that in turn helps you deconstruct your facade (I think.)
Im fairly new to all this so don't take my word for anything - just experiment yourself and listen to the seminars!

Just because someone told you you have grief it wouldn't really help anyway as you'd have to feel the layers above it to get to that! Im very much realising your soul needs 'warmed up' to reach feelings, ask God to start showing you whats going on! You could do something you know will trigger your 'not good enough' feelings and then just try and feel it between yourself and God. From what Jesus has said I think God would love you to take your feelings to him! Our facades are so intense (there are amazing talks on deconstructing your facade by Jesus on youtube.)

Another reason why I think we'd want other people to work stuff out for us isn't only due to huge lack of self responsibility its also a lack of faith in God and Gods processes.

[Amanda Stracey]

Hi Thomas

Welcome. I'm going to start by saying my own condition is someone who doesn't have much personal, direct experience of God and whilst I've had a go at this processing emotions thing, it all feels a bit confusing still and I'm looking at my own resistances to wanting to feel emotions at all and also any that feel too big to handle. I do have a few suggestions though.

What would be interesting to investigate ( notice, become aware of (making lists)) is my everyday life and attitudes and beliefs around not feeling good enough:

Who, where, what causes this feeling to surface?

What do I do when it surfaces? Do I respond with anger or put downs or assert myself even more or something else?

What do I do in my life - who do I avoid, who do I feel I need, what do I feel I need to eat/drink/wear to avoid feeling not good enough every day?

I think this is all part of the process of awakening to our sin. So I have unreleased pain relating to not feeling good enough or whatever the real cause turns out to be and I could now release this pain as an adult but I don't choose to do that. Instead I'm actively avoiding it some way or another by projecting a false version of myself, say of competence or intellectual understanding when I have no real understanding or coolness when really I feel a complete shambles or always going out in a group in preference to being alone. My understanding is that I will need to realise that the defences I'm using harm myself, a child of God, harm others who God loves dearly and harm God's world/environment. Then I'm beginning to see what I'm choosing to do instead of feeling my locked up pain and start feeling that what I am doing to avoid that pain is a sin.

Another question I might ask is why do I want to jump ahead and have the answer now and not apply what Jesus and Mary are teaching to my life . By not allowing the whole process of coming out of denial, awakening to my sin, seeing it from Gods perspective for what it is and having compassion for myself at the same time, desiring change, having faith in my capacity for change and changing for the better (against the world's opinion that I've changed for the worst) - what am I trying to avoid there? I could be avoiding the pain of accepting that what I thought was absolutely fine to do all my life, what seems or seemed completely normal and fine might be a sin from God's viewpoint. In my family for example, being angry at other people and venting frustration at another person was seen as normal, fair game and not damaging to anyone at all - in fact it was seen as good and right for keeping kids particularly in check ( keep them behaving well and in their place). That's going to take some work before I can even desire to vent my anger safely rather than using it to attack others.

Hope that helps.

Amanda

[Amanda Stracey]

Thomas

For the first 30 minutes Jesus helps a woman look at an addiction to forcing herself to process emotions and being hard on herself and what would be a better route. I just felt the principles involved and explained might help you with your question.

https://youtu.be/ZEnmTaRk-A4

2013.07.13 General Discussion - W & A from People in London.

Cheers

Amanda

[ThomasJames]

Hey Bex and Amanda,

Thanks for your responses, encouragement, and support! What I'm hearing from you guys is this:

From Bex: I have to find the causal emotion on my own by working through the layers.

From Amanda: Explore my addictions, reactions, triggers, pain avoiding around this belief.

Bex- I have certainly been watching hours upon hours of Divine Truth videos. I have found it extremely helpful when Jesus pinpoints causal emotions for common situations. For example, under the anger there is fear, and under the the fear there is grief. Knowing this has saved me many many hours of unproductively feeling capping emotions so that I can get right to the core emotions in order to release them. I'm trying to progress as quickly as possible, hence my desire to get right down to the heart of core of the issue/emotions.

Amanda- Thanks for the video, I'll watch this one again! I really like your last point about what I'm trying to avoid -- and that would be "wasting time" feeling a capping emotion rather than getting to the real cause to release it. I love your exploratory ideas, and I have a pretty good sense of my addictions and so forth as well...

Update:
Since I've posted this a week ago, I have indeed been doing a lof of feeling and processing through these issues. I've learned that the belief that "I'm not good enough" was created during my childhood to protect myself from when my parents would withdraw their love from me. This "protected" me from experiencing the pain associated with not having their love. I've only done a little bit of experiencing the terror of being unloved by them — this is ultimately the fear of abandonment, but I've found it to be helpful so far, though I have a long journey ahead in releasing this belief and the associated emotions with it.

Thanks guys for the help! I'm open to any other thoughts or suggestions or feedback.